Everyone is a Leader

 

There has been a little controversy over the Toastmasters motto “where leaders are made”. Some have said that they only want to improve their speaking and have no interest in leadership. But without leaders how would the meetings, the contests, the training, happen? The very organization would not exist without leaders.

 

Everyone is a leader, whether they know it or not. Every person who gives a speech is leading. They may want to entertain, challenge, inspire, warn, persuade. Any number of motives are there in their words, but the fact that they are seeking to move a  group of people to action means they are leaders.

 

Even if you are not up in front of a group speaking your very lives are demonstrating an example that people will follow. I heard a lot of wise words from my mother that helped build my character. But the bigger impact was the way she lived her life, the example she displayed every day. She lived her words and lead me to be a better person.

 

The way you live your life leads: if you strive hard and fair and succeed some people will gain confidence that fairness and hard work matters. If you cheat and succeed some people may be tempted to try the same. If you quit when the going gets tough some people may be tempted to quit. But if you persist in the face of fierce opposition others will take courage and fight on. “Never the less, she persisted”

I don't care who started it

"But Mom, she started it". " I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it". So went the recollection of my sister Betty, remembering childhood sibling rivalries and her dismay that mom wouldn't let her explain why she was right. She said it wasn't until she had kids of her own that she understood. The sound of two little kids arguing incessantly would drive her crazy and she realized mom was wise to "end it". 

Imagine how having a different perspective can change your mind. Too often we get wrapped up in our own thoughts, our own assumptions, our own biases, that we fail to realize that we may be missing pieces of the picture. We see conflict as win or lose, heroes and villains, black and white with no shades of gray. We want to stick up for our 'friends' oppose our 'enemies'  and get everyone to take sides since we are convinced 'diplomacy' won't do any good.  

We are seeking quick and tidy solutions to messy conflicts that have existed and festered for decades if not hundreds of years.  In our shortsighted views and  we all back differing sides and seek 'victory' and 'justice', the only things that are thriving are the morgues and graveyards. While the debates go on about who is right and who is wrong, death and disease inhabit the cities and villages. Men, women and children suffer death from weapons in the sky and on the earth. Hospitals, homes, schools, and even places of worship are no refuge. Many have to flee their homes to foreign lands and even there discrimination and abuse follows them.

Isn't it time to echo my mom's words "I don't care who started it"? Isn't it time to call for a time out so that we can listen to everyone and start building bridges that can bring us together and quit building walls that only divide us? Can we set aside our blaming, biases, and backgrounds in order to consider that we might not know it all?

I know that most of us have no ability to alter the outcomes of world conflict, except to petition our representatives. But I believe that our influence in the world starts right in our backyards. If we can promote peace where we are, perhaps that effort may serve to affect ever widening spheres of community, just as a stone dropped into a pond sends ripples out in all directions.

It begins with you and it begins with me, and it starts right where we are. In times of conflict let us take a time out, speak up and  say "I don't care who started it"...

Discovery

Every day is a fresh start. An opportunity to to either build on the successes of the past, or to correct the mistakes of the past, or just do something different. We have no requirement to continue our lives in the same manner as part days, nor any compulsion to change just for changes sake. We have an opportunity to live out our lives as we see fit. 

Examine your life and take stock of the discoveries you have made each day. Has your life been a stretch of the same routine, day after day? Or has it been a series of ups and downs, constantly changing? How about a third option - choose to make each day a discovery day. Whether it is a new friend, a new place to visit, or just a new perspective on life.

I am a hiker, taking daily walks, partly for exercise and partly because it livens up my mood for the day. Whether I am taking on a new path, or looking at an old path in a new way, I seek to see the new and wonder in it  I discovered a new park yesterday and hiked some new trails, getting temporarily lost and then finding my way out again.

Have you ever spent time brainstorming? Perhaps thinking about new ways to do things, or new things to do? It is good to spend some time daily in order to not let our minds get old. It is also good to stretch ourselves, challenge ourselves with the new. It helps us avoid ruts that we so often fall into. It is also good to dream, close your eyes and imagine. You might be surprised at what you discover - about yourself, and about the world  

Bloom where you're planted

 Spring is here and planting has begun. I went round and round in Lowe's choosing plants to place in my containers on the patio, lead by a cherry tomato start. I love fresh tomatoes right off the vine, better than anything store bought. And they are easy to grow. I chose bell pepper and mint, plus some flowers and two root crop seeds - carrots and radishes. And of course I bought potting soil to rejuvenate my containers so they would support growth. 

I love to garden. I love watching plants grow and produce flowers or vegetables. Or berries - I once grew strawberries and raspberries from starts. Nothing like hot fresh berries off the vine. It reminded me of growing up in the west hills of Portland where I could gorge myself on blackberries in my own back yard. Something about digging in the dirt and then seeing the fruits of your labor is so refreshing.

I also love to speak, sharing stories with others, and see their eyes light up with understanding. I want to encourage people to share their stories and not be afraid to be open with others. We all benefit from the stories are told. We need to encourage growth in others by the same techniques we use in gardening: watering with giving freedom to speak, fertilizing with feeding encouragement, weeding to help them identify and remove the obstacles that are prevent their progress. Sometimes those are people who hold them back, sometimes it is their own thoughts and messages from the past. We need to affirm them with the sunshine of our praise when they overcome their fears.

And we also need to remember our need to grow. No matter what our situation we can grow. We need to identify and remove the barriers that are keeping us back. We need to dream and stretch out our limbs to the sky. And sometimes we may need to improve the soil that we are planted in. But we also need to remember to grow wherever we are planted. Not just for ourselves but for all the others with whom we are planted.

Joy

 The last of the Rules of the Road by Pete Buttigieg is Joy. At first that might seem an odd choice after qualities like Respect and Truth and Discipline. Those seem to be habits that we develop to make us more efficient and trusted. And joy is often dismissed as just a feeling, and emotion that is a luxury, not an essential.

But that could not be further from the truth. As kids we would say "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" It is a bit trite and a cliche, but remember that a cliche is a truth that is way overused and becomes dull. For our own mental health we need to have light moments in our lives - comic relief. And the same goes for joy. While we are dealing with serious matters we need to remember to have fun - or at least try to have fun. 

So what is joy? And how is it different from happiness? Happiness comes from happening. Things will happen to us that make us happy. Depending on the circumstances it may be short-lived or longer-lasting. It is dependent on what happens to us. Joy is a choice. We choose how we look at life, how we view the events that happen to us. It is controlling how we approach all those things we cannot control.

Like the old dichotomy of glass half full glass half empty. It is the third view - there is a glass and we can drink it or fill it up with more. Sometimes it is seen in gallows humor - any day I am vertical is a good day. Or TGIF - thank goodness it's Friday.

But it is also something that can color our day and make work less like work. It is related somewhat to passion. There is knowing we need to do something and then there is wanting to do it.  Desire is important. It drives our efforts. And joy is the same way. What good is finishing a project if you can't experience some satisfaction, some joy, in it?

In the midst of sorrow, pain, suffering, and defeat, let joy drive our sails to victory. And don't forget to let it out. As the old saying goes, if you're happy and you know it, don't forget to tell your face.

Excellence

 

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. No, Princess Bride fans, the word is not “inconceivable”.  The word is excellence. In our hyper competitive world most people would think it means winning. And oh, don’t we all like winning? But think about the Olympic medal podiums. There are three places to stand, one for the gold medal winner, one for the silver medal winner, and one for the bronze medal winner. The gold medal winner gets the most attention, and we say they excelled and showed excellence. But all three were excellent. They all gave it their best effort, even though just one got the gold.

That my friend is what excellence means – giving it your all, doing the best you can do. Striving to use all that life and biology has given you and achieving what is in your reach. And encouraging others to do the same. And not comparing yourself to others. You don’t compete with others but rather you compete with yourself. It is not a call to leap ahead but to take regular steps forward.

Different people learn, grow, achieve at different rates and in different circumstances. I know of a couple people who worked hard in school. One worked her tail off and got C’s. The other who was capable of A’s sometimes slacked and got some B’s. so who excelled, the one who got B’s or the one who got C’s. In this case the one who excelled was the one who got C’s.

Excellence is one of the core values of Toastmasters. Respect, Integrity, Service, and Excellence. While we do have contests -just finished one season -the real emphasis is to steadily improve our speaking and leadership skills. Everyone has their first time speaking in public and everyone has a different learning curve. But we all strive to do our best. That is what excellence means.

Discipline

 Discipline can get a bad rap. Memories of growing up and having discipline "administered" at home and at school. Depending on how far you stretched yourself in yearning for independence and how strict your parents and teachers were you might have had more or less desire to remember those memories. Those who have gone through military training probably also have less than fond memories associated with discipline. 

But at the core discipline is learning to navigate life successfully in order to avoid unnecessary negative consequences and to gain positive results. Like in a game where rules are intended to keep the action running smoothly and to avoid harm to all players. 

And those who are wise will engage in self-discipline, being self aware and choosing to follow sane rules. Like looking both ways before crossing a busy street, thinking before you speak, or just saying please and thank you. It doesn't mean that we are driven by do's and don'ts, slavishly adhering to somebody else's guidelines. It means that we learn the wisdom of following accepted rules of conduct and procedure, knowing when and where to diverge from well worn paths.

A good example in my daily life is in Toastmaster meetings. There are certain expectations, like being polite, not interrupting, being prepared to share, and most of all beginning and ending on time. Toastmasters are very flexible, but time management is one of the key disciplines of every meeting. It is for the benefit of all, so it is agreed upon by all. 

I am sure that during the campaign Pete (Buttigieg) and his staff were very cognizant of the need for discipline, with all the meetings and travel, speeches and needed R&R. That is why it is included in his Rules of the Road. And I think that even though we aren't involved in such a large endeavor that it would do us well to exercise that self discipline as well.