Everyone is a Leader

 

There has been a little controversy over the Toastmasters motto “where leaders are made”. Some have said that they only want to improve their speaking and have no interest in leadership. But without leaders how would the meetings, the contests, the training, happen? The very organization would not exist without leaders.

 

Everyone is a leader, whether they know it or not. Every person who gives a speech is leading. They may want to entertain, challenge, inspire, warn, persuade. Any number of motives are there in their words, but the fact that they are seeking to move a  group of people to action means they are leaders.

 

Even if you are not up in front of a group speaking your very lives are demonstrating an example that people will follow. I heard a lot of wise words from my mother that helped build my character. But the bigger impact was the way she lived her life, the example she displayed every day. She lived her words and lead me to be a better person.

 

The way you live your life leads: if you strive hard and fair and succeed some people will gain confidence that fairness and hard work matters. If you cheat and succeed some people may be tempted to try the same. If you quit when the going gets tough some people may be tempted to quit. But if you persist in the face of fierce opposition others will take courage and fight on. “Never the less, she persisted”

I don't care who started it

"But Mom, she started it". " I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it". So went the recollection of my sister Betty, remembering childhood sibling rivalries and her dismay that mom wouldn't let her explain why she was right. She said it wasn't until she had kids of her own that she understood. The sound of two little kids arguing incessantly would drive her crazy and she realized mom was wise to "end it". 

Imagine how having a different perspective can change your mind. Too often we get wrapped up in our own thoughts, our own assumptions, our own biases, that we fail to realize that we may be missing pieces of the picture. We see conflict as win or lose, heroes and villains, black and white with no shades of gray. We want to stick up for our 'friends' oppose our 'enemies'  and get everyone to take sides since we are convinced 'diplomacy' won't do any good.  

We are seeking quick and tidy solutions to messy conflicts that have existed and festered for decades if not hundreds of years.  In our shortsighted views and  we all back differing sides and seek 'victory' and 'justice', the only things that are thriving are the morgues and graveyards. While the debates go on about who is right and who is wrong, death and disease inhabit the cities and villages. Men, women and children suffer death from weapons in the sky and on the earth. Hospitals, homes, schools, and even places of worship are no refuge. Many have to flee their homes to foreign lands and even there discrimination and abuse follows them.

Isn't it time to echo my mom's words "I don't care who started it"? Isn't it time to call for a time out so that we can listen to everyone and start building bridges that can bring us together and quit building walls that only divide us? Can we set aside our blaming, biases, and backgrounds in order to consider that we might not know it all?

I know that most of us have no ability to alter the outcomes of world conflict, except to petition our representatives. But I believe that our influence in the world starts right in our backyards. If we can promote peace where we are, perhaps that effort may serve to affect ever widening spheres of community, just as a stone dropped into a pond sends ripples out in all directions.

It begins with you and it begins with me, and it starts right where we are. In times of conflict let us take a time out, speak up and  say "I don't care who started it"...

Discovery

Every day is a fresh start. An opportunity to to either build on the successes of the past, or to correct the mistakes of the past, or just do something different. We have no requirement to continue our lives in the same manner as part days, nor any compulsion to change just for changes sake. We have an opportunity to live out our lives as we see fit. 

Examine your life and take stock of the discoveries you have made each day. Has your life been a stretch of the same routine, day after day? Or has it been a series of ups and downs, constantly changing? How about a third option - choose to make each day a discovery day. Whether it is a new friend, a new place to visit, or just a new perspective on life.

I am a hiker, taking daily walks, partly for exercise and partly because it livens up my mood for the day. Whether I am taking on a new path, or looking at an old path in a new way, I seek to see the new and wonder in it  I discovered a new park yesterday and hiked some new trails, getting temporarily lost and then finding my way out again.

Have you ever spent time brainstorming? Perhaps thinking about new ways to do things, or new things to do? It is good to spend some time daily in order to not let our minds get old. It is also good to stretch ourselves, challenge ourselves with the new. It helps us avoid ruts that we so often fall into. It is also good to dream, close your eyes and imagine. You might be surprised at what you discover - about yourself, and about the world  

Bloom where you're planted

 Spring is here and planting has begun. I went round and round in Lowe's choosing plants to place in my containers on the patio, lead by a cherry tomato start. I love fresh tomatoes right off the vine, better than anything store bought. And they are easy to grow. I chose bell pepper and mint, plus some flowers and two root crop seeds - carrots and radishes. And of course I bought potting soil to rejuvenate my containers so they would support growth. 

I love to garden. I love watching plants grow and produce flowers or vegetables. Or berries - I once grew strawberries and raspberries from starts. Nothing like hot fresh berries off the vine. It reminded me of growing up in the west hills of Portland where I could gorge myself on blackberries in my own back yard. Something about digging in the dirt and then seeing the fruits of your labor is so refreshing.

I also love to speak, sharing stories with others, and see their eyes light up with understanding. I want to encourage people to share their stories and not be afraid to be open with others. We all benefit from the stories are told. We need to encourage growth in others by the same techniques we use in gardening: watering with giving freedom to speak, fertilizing with feeding encouragement, weeding to help them identify and remove the obstacles that are prevent their progress. Sometimes those are people who hold them back, sometimes it is their own thoughts and messages from the past. We need to affirm them with the sunshine of our praise when they overcome their fears.

And we also need to remember our need to grow. No matter what our situation we can grow. We need to identify and remove the barriers that are keeping us back. We need to dream and stretch out our limbs to the sky. And sometimes we may need to improve the soil that we are planted in. But we also need to remember to grow wherever we are planted. Not just for ourselves but for all the others with whom we are planted.

Joy

 The last of the Rules of the Road by Pete Buttigieg is Joy. At first that might seem an odd choice after qualities like Respect and Truth and Discipline. Those seem to be habits that we develop to make us more efficient and trusted. And joy is often dismissed as just a feeling, and emotion that is a luxury, not an essential.

But that could not be further from the truth. As kids we would say "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" It is a bit trite and a cliche, but remember that a cliche is a truth that is way overused and becomes dull. For our own mental health we need to have light moments in our lives - comic relief. And the same goes for joy. While we are dealing with serious matters we need to remember to have fun - or at least try to have fun. 

So what is joy? And how is it different from happiness? Happiness comes from happening. Things will happen to us that make us happy. Depending on the circumstances it may be short-lived or longer-lasting. It is dependent on what happens to us. Joy is a choice. We choose how we look at life, how we view the events that happen to us. It is controlling how we approach all those things we cannot control.

Like the old dichotomy of glass half full glass half empty. It is the third view - there is a glass and we can drink it or fill it up with more. Sometimes it is seen in gallows humor - any day I am vertical is a good day. Or TGIF - thank goodness it's Friday.

But it is also something that can color our day and make work less like work. It is related somewhat to passion. There is knowing we need to do something and then there is wanting to do it.  Desire is important. It drives our efforts. And joy is the same way. What good is finishing a project if you can't experience some satisfaction, some joy, in it?

In the midst of sorrow, pain, suffering, and defeat, let joy drive our sails to victory. And don't forget to let it out. As the old saying goes, if you're happy and you know it, don't forget to tell your face.

Excellence

 

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. No, Princess Bride fans, the word is not “inconceivable”.  The word is excellence. In our hyper competitive world most people would think it means winning. And oh, don’t we all like winning? But think about the Olympic medal podiums. There are three places to stand, one for the gold medal winner, one for the silver medal winner, and one for the bronze medal winner. The gold medal winner gets the most attention, and we say they excelled and showed excellence. But all three were excellent. They all gave it their best effort, even though just one got the gold.

That my friend is what excellence means – giving it your all, doing the best you can do. Striving to use all that life and biology has given you and achieving what is in your reach. And encouraging others to do the same. And not comparing yourself to others. You don’t compete with others but rather you compete with yourself. It is not a call to leap ahead but to take regular steps forward.

Different people learn, grow, achieve at different rates and in different circumstances. I know of a couple people who worked hard in school. One worked her tail off and got C’s. The other who was capable of A’s sometimes slacked and got some B’s. so who excelled, the one who got B’s or the one who got C’s. In this case the one who excelled was the one who got C’s.

Excellence is one of the core values of Toastmasters. Respect, Integrity, Service, and Excellence. While we do have contests -just finished one season -the real emphasis is to steadily improve our speaking and leadership skills. Everyone has their first time speaking in public and everyone has a different learning curve. But we all strive to do our best. That is what excellence means.

Discipline

 Discipline can get a bad rap. Memories of growing up and having discipline "administered" at home and at school. Depending on how far you stretched yourself in yearning for independence and how strict your parents and teachers were you might have had more or less desire to remember those memories. Those who have gone through military training probably also have less than fond memories associated with discipline. 

But at the core discipline is learning to navigate life successfully in order to avoid unnecessary negative consequences and to gain positive results. Like in a game where rules are intended to keep the action running smoothly and to avoid harm to all players. 

And those who are wise will engage in self-discipline, being self aware and choosing to follow sane rules. Like looking both ways before crossing a busy street, thinking before you speak, or just saying please and thank you. It doesn't mean that we are driven by do's and don'ts, slavishly adhering to somebody else's guidelines. It means that we learn the wisdom of following accepted rules of conduct and procedure, knowing when and where to diverge from well worn paths.

A good example in my daily life is in Toastmaster meetings. There are certain expectations, like being polite, not interrupting, being prepared to share, and most of all beginning and ending on time. Toastmasters are very flexible, but time management is one of the key disciplines of every meeting. It is for the benefit of all, so it is agreed upon by all. 

I am sure that during the campaign Pete (Buttigieg) and his staff were very cognizant of the need for discipline, with all the meetings and travel, speeches and needed R&R. That is why it is included in his Rules of the Road. And I think that even though we aren't involved in such a large endeavor that it would do us well to exercise that self discipline as well.

Words of substance

 Have you ever listened to someone who could talk forever and yet never really say anything? Isn't that tiring? Or on the other hand have you ever been blown away by someone who used few words but expressed profound thoughts? I think we can all think of those times. I am reminded of the comments on the speakers at the dedication of the battlefield at Gettysburg. The main speaker, Edward Everett, was considered the greatest speaker of his day. He spoke for over 2 hours and not much is remembered of what he spoke. President Abraham Lincoln spoke for only 2 minutes and yet over 150 years later his speech is repeated in every school in the land and celebrated as an example of brevity and eloquence.

How do you use your words. Small talk and humor are important parts of our conversation, but there are serious issues that need discussion and we have an obligation to speak up and speak out. Speaking truth to power is not just for the journalists and political leaders. Not just for the preacher and celebrity. It is for all of us. The problems of today will not be alleviated by gabfests, but by heart to heart exchanges of substance. 

This is another of Pete Buttigieg's rules of the road -a guide to political activism, to help us all make an impact on our society and work for the betterment of our country and our world. Tune in tomorrow for more.

More than just personal responsibility

When many people think about the word responsibility they focus solely on personal responsibility 

They say that in our individualized society people need to take personal responsibility for their actions and not rely on others - government or church or society at large to bail them out when they encounter hard times. And while it is certainly important to take personal responsibility for our own actions, especially in preparing for possible unpleasant surprises, looking at it purely on that level is at best short-sighted.

Responsibility encompasses several levels. When you were aa child your parents probably held you partly responsible for the upkeep of your home. They would say things like "clean up your room", "make your bed", and they might assign you chores. Mine was mowing the lawn -ours was about a half and acre- not my favorite task. Your actions reflected positively or negatively on the family.

If you are married you have a responsibility to your spouse, even if you don't have children. You need to treat him or her with respect, love, and honor. You can't just be concerned with  yourself. And if you have children that adds a level of responsibility. You are held responsible for their welfare. 

When at work you are responsible for making sure your conduct reflects well on the company. You are a representative of the company. That was a lesson I learned well during my days - and nights - aas a radio announcer. With my choice of music, with my words on the air, how I responded when the phone rang - never knowing what kind of caller it would be, I was representing the station. It didn't matter that often calls might come at the worst possible time. When I picked up the phone I knew it was not me they were calling, but the station and I was speaking for it,

These are pretty well known and accepted aspects of responsibility. But there is another aspect of responsibility that has been shunned or devalued by many. It is a sense of societal/global responsibility. To care for others around us who may not be as fortunate as us. Some may also not have been so wise and fallen on hard times. Whether due to poor decisions or unforseen calamities, it is imperative that we take time to reach out and help. And helping out the less fortunate in our society helps us all. Who knows when we might need a helping hand. And despite the myth of the self-made individual we all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

As the poet John Donne said "no man is an island, entire of himself.  For we are all a part of the whole". 

boldness

 Boldness is the willingness to take risks and act innovatively, to act with confidence or courage. This is a characteristic that is very much needed today.  There are many people who know what is right but they are afraid of taking action to stand for what is right and to oppose what is wrong. We have seen in our nation people unwilling to stand for truth - instead they fall for lies. Even when the truth is clear for all to see. For instance just this week a congressman state that  January 6th riots were just a normal Capitol Hill tourist visit. Despite overwhelming photo and video evidence to the contrary, he persisted in the lie. 

I believe one reason that there was a trial of George Floyd's murderer, let alone a guilty verdict, was due to the outpouring of protest by people who risked getting covid in order to speak out against injustice. They marched by the thousands in the streets all across America, because it was the right thing to do, because they could not turn away and ignore it. May their tribe increase.

There are two aspects of this. One is to speak out against evil. The other is to boldly stand out in support of what is right. To have a vision of what could be, how we could transform our society and our environment and take action to make those dreams reality. To break away from the status quo and seek to grow. That is what happened in the 1960's. People were emboldened to work for change, to break away from the status quo. It didn't all work, but there was tremendous change. Just look at the Voting Rights Act , the Civil Rights Act, Medicare and Medicaid, and men on the moon.

The first step is to believe that your voice matters, then take the risk to act and encourage others to follow you. One person can make a difference, especially if they get others to follow. Be Bold.

Teamwork

 You know the old saying "there is no I in team". Trite but true. Sometimes as Americans we focus so much on individual rights and freedoms that we forget that community and the common good is also important and vital to a healthy environment. And sometimes we think that we can do it all on our own - the self-made man/person myth. We either get burned out by trying to do it all, or we isolate ourselves by thinking just in terms of what is best for us. 

Now individual liberty and rights are important, don't get me wrong. I guess what is important to remember that just as defending our individual rights is important it is also important to defend the individual rights of others. To use another well used phrase - "your freedom to swing your fist ends at the other person's nose'. Rights are not in isolation. They are meant to bring freedom for all, not just a few.

And in terms of projects, whether work, home, or elsewhere - like Toastmasters - doing things as a team lightens the load and multiplies the strengths of all to achieve results. Brainstorming, for instance, helps the creative process, since one person alone may not come up with the best solution to a problem. We learn from each other. And delegation helps to achieve success with less stress on individuals -"the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" - as the Greek philosopher Aristotle observed.

To be truly effective in teamwork we need effective leaders, not simply managers of course, But in this very competitive society, where we often focus on winners and losers we need to exercise more cooperation and focus on teamwork ,where everybody wins. Go Team!:)

Truth

 "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" That is the question that all witnesses in a trial have to swear to before they give testimony. In these past few years aren't there people you would love to see on the witness stand have to swear to that - and face perjury charges if they strayed from it.? I have a few in mind, and I bet you do to.

Why is the oath written that way? Because adding or subtracting from the whole truth is lying as much as telling a full fledged lie. Withholding information or mixing truth and falsehood is misrepresenting the true situation and can complicate or prevent solutions. And it is true that telling a lie many time doesn't make it true, nor does the amount of people who believe the lie, make it true. 

Now people may have differing opinions about facts, figures, people, events, etc. That is certainly up for discussion. But the truth of a matter is not. As someone famously said , you do have the right to your own opinion, but you do not have the right to your own facts. In work, at home, in any endeavor, especially working on a team, an adherence to truth is important. It builds trust, and teamwork - the next of the rules of the road.

belonging

A sense of belonging is not just a desirable trait - to have and to give. It is a very necessary part of life. Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, places it just above security and safety needs. It isn't one of those "how long can you live without..." needs, nor is it a security concern. But it is vital to the quality of life. You can't just exist - that isn't living.

When people were asked what they missed most during the pandemic of 2020, the most frequent answer was "hugs". We were still connected via zoom, phone, email, etc. But what was missing was the physical touch - for obvious reasons. Smile were seen only through the eyes. Handshakes were replaced by fist and elbow bumps. We had communication but sometimes we lacked connection. 

Families had to avoid large gatherings. We didn't have our annual family campout at the beach last year, partly because of the large gathering shutdowns, but also because the campgrounds were closed. After over 30 years of doing it every year that was a big loss. Singles had it rougher because they were more isolated. At least for couples, like my wife and I, we had each other and though we were largely stuck at home, we share the same space and the same hugs.

Though the expressions of love and belonging are much easier with physical contact, don't let that be a barrier. Be open to others and demonstrate your concern in both word and deed. Let them know that you care and that they belong. And let yourself be open to realize that you belong - open your ears and eyes to those around you as they reach out to you. 

We all need belonging and that is why it is one of the Rules of the Road.

Respect

 "Respect your elders" we were always told when we were children. Funny that now many of us are "elders" and look to get respect. We tend to think of respect as something we need to show towards those in authority, due to their position of responsibility. We think of the definition that says  respect is "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Those in positions of authority, and those who support them, cite this as deferring to their direction. Unfortunately often we have to respect the office since we can't always respect the occupant of it - like some recent political examples.

 But we also need to show it to others around us at the same level. One definition of respect is "due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others". This is a more mutual action. Respect for others works both ways and is a community building process. We need to be treating each other with respect, just for who we are. 

Respect does not mean always agreeing with either the other person or their ideas or stands on issues. Respect does not mean overlooking faults or failing to call out misdeeds. But it means that we treat others the way that we would want to be treated, and being an advocate for the growth of everyone. Respect means that no matter who we are, where we are from, or what our differing backgrounds are, we accept each other just as we are - fallible human beings. 

It is vital for team building, in every aspect of life, not just politics. Rule #1 of the Rules of the Road.

Rules of the Road

 We all had driver's training, one way or the other, so we know the normal driving rules of the road. And our parents tried to raise us to have acceptable behavior in public. But did you ever think about going above and beyond in our interactions with others? Trying to exemplify the best behavior for the best positive impact on society in all we do.? 

Politicians are stereotypically crass and calculating and focused on the end results - getting elected. I say stereotypically because it is just that, a broad generalization that blanket blames a group of people for the infidelities of the minority. It is hard to overcome in our perceptions, but there was one person in our recent election cycle who tried to stand out. He developed a list of principles that he wanted his team to exhibit and live out for all to see. His name was Pete Buttigieg, former presidential candidate, now Transportation Secretary  and he called his list (appropriately) the Rules of the Road.

I would like to share his 10 Rules now and let them percolate in your brain. Then over the next week or so I would like to delve into each one and share how I think they are applicable for us in our daily lives.

His Rules of the Road are; Respect, Belonging, Truth, Teamwork, Boldness, Responsibility, Substance, Discipline, Excellence, Joy. Taken together they envision a capable, caring, connection and commitment to not just slide by in life, but to excel and elevate the conversation and the work that we do so that we can leave this world a better place and help people be the best they can be. A better tomorrow for all of us. I hope you will come with me as I explore these in greater depth in future posts.:)

Never and always

We have a bad habit of using absolute words. Like never, always, nobody, everybody. I almost would like to have them excised from our language. Too often we use those words to judge, to stop discussion, to exclude someone or to over-praise. Phrases like "the best of all time" or conversely "the worst of all time" also tend to exaggerate and make an exclusive statement that is a communication stopper. That is one source of prejudice. We utilize group think and most often the always or never comments are negative. 

There are group characteristics but people are still individuals. So when you hear 'always' or 'never' consider it a red flag and carefully question the statements made using those words. We need to treat people fairly as individuals and not prejudge them based on some conscious or unconscious stereotype.

Also, if you hear someone say "you're not like other 'blank'" question it and if it is said to you, don't necessarily take it as a compliment.

While we should reject broad generalizations there are times for all-inclusive language. We started off our country with such a statement. While the existing reality was far from it, we had the aspirational statement in the Declaration of Independence of "all men are created equal". Living up to that has been a continual struggle with its ups and downs - that is why I call it aspirational. The language of the Bill of Rights is full of inclusive language - "Congress shall make no law...." "no person shall...be deprived or life, liberty, or property without due process of law". And the 14th Amendment "all persons born or naturalized in the United States...are citizens". Pretty inclusive language, eh?

I guess you might say that we should always be on the lookout to help every one we can , and never be engaged in hurtful behavior towards anyone. Yet at the same time be very careful to not blanket blame or disregard anyone. And always see people as human, because we all would appreciate being treated fairly. 

In the end watch your words.

Reinterpreting Mom

 Moms, we all have them, can't get into this world without them. We love them, remember them fondly on days like today , ride the up and down waves with them as we travel from children to adults through the maelstrom of the teenage years. They mean well and want the best for us. But sometimes the communication from their heart to our minds gets a little twisted sometimes. And of course, as teenagers we all rebel, some of us in more quiet ways.

Mom and Dad were not major rule makers, but there were a few. We all ate dinner together, no TV during dinner - of course phones in those days were attached to the wall and computers were in their infancy so no need to make rules about those distractions from normal family communication. We were told to take a little bit of everything (yes, everything) on the table and finish everything on our plate. We had to finish it all, or no dessert - and everyone wanted dessert. They were children of the Depression and food was precious so you didn't want to waste it. And you couldn't always get everything you wanted (war rationing) to you had to develop tastes for everything. 

Unfortunately it took my sisters and me years to overcome the compulsion of 'eat it all'. I struggled with "I paid for it I need to eat it or I am wasting food". I learned that my taste buds often were seeking something satisfying and they would continue seeking even if the thing I had on my plate didn't satisfy. So it made sense if something didn't taste right, or I was unsatisfied, not to continue eating something, even if I had paid for it. 

I also learned to choose wisely, manage portions so I didn 't have as much to finish. And I learned to trust my taste buds. There are foods that I grew up on, and suffered through, that I will never buy or eat again. I have had people tell me "you just didn't have it the   right way". No, I tried and my taste buds rejected it -I trust them.

My mom was also a worrier and sometimes overcautious. I have learned to stretch myself. There are things that I have done or do that I know my mom would worry about if she were here, but I do them anyway, just so I can grow.

I have learned to look back and realize what my mom was trying to teach me (and my sisters). She wanted us to appreciate what we had and not take it for granted. She wanted us to explore new foods and not instantly reject them. She wanted us to not be wasteful. And she worried because she loved us. I can appreciate that looking back. Teen years were not the best. I loved my parents but when I went to college I was determined to go AWAY from home to college.

One lesson that my mom taught me I don't have to reinterpret. She emphasized to accept everyone you encountered regardless of who they were, where they were from, what they looked or sounded like. Always expect the best of everyone. And she practiced what she preached. So that lesson has stayed with me all these years.

My mom passed away 42 years ago, but the lessons live on. If your mom is still here please let her know today that you love her. And whether she is here or passed, deal kindly with the memories. Mom's aren't perfect, but I think the vast majority mean well Try as you can to "reinterpret" their messages and find the growth possible there.

we are all leaders

I believe we are all leaders, in one way or another, whether we know it or not. There has been an ongoing debate in Toastmasters over the slogan "where leaders are made" because some people keep saying they are not into leadership just improving their speaking ability. I think everybody can see public speaking skills are in sore need of improvement, just by listening to statements of public officials up to an including some presidential examples in our lifetime. And I'm sure many people have encountered what I have - corporate leadership with bad speaking habits. 

But in order to have the training for improved speaking planned meetings have to take place which requires...competent leaders. For contests to happen, where people get better through practice, there need to be leaders who plan, lead, and judge the performances. And there need to be leaders pointing the way and exemplifying improved speaking skills to let people know what to aim for in their striving to improve.

Even in the non-Toastmaster world leadership is required for any organization to flourish. We don't act in society in solo bubbles. And why do we need to improve our speaking skills? In order to communicate better to influence the world around us, if for no other reason that to change the world for the better - for us if not for others.

Anytime you speak you are being watched. Not in a creepy voyeuristic way. But people pay attention to see if you walk the talk, if you have some bit of wisdom to help them handle life. To find truth in your words and light in your smile. People can be influenced for good or ill by your example, and in that you are a leader, even if you don't feel it or occupy a "leadership role'. 

The question is not "are you a leader?", but "how are you leading?". What message are you communicating by the words that you speak , and the life that you live? And why would you not want to improve that ability. In my training days my method was fourfold  fold: show my trainees how to do the job, explain why I did the job that way - what the end goal was, tell them to make any changes to my routine that they felt got to the end result a more efficient way, and then step back and let them go at it.

I would review to make sure the end results were correct, but I would never force them to do it my way just because it worked for me. I wanted to set them free to be creative. That was the goal of my leadership. 

So who is following you and what are you teaching them. You might be amazed at the people who are looking to you for leadership and what effect you are having on their lives. It might seem to be small, but to them it may be large and you are helping to change the world one little bit at a time. And if we all are working the small changes it can together make a big change in the world. You are a leader.

Just Breathe

 "Breathe, just breathe". Life can be frustrating, confusing, disheartening at times. We spend our days trying to do the best, be the best, understand it all. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and we feel like quitting. We feel like we can't measure up, or that what we do doesn't matter anyway. It feels like a mountain too high to climb. And we forget to breathe. 

Not the physical act of breathing. Fortunately our body inhaling and exhaling, taking in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide is an internally regulated process. Our body is wired with sensors that trigger the breathing when it senses too little oxygen or too much carbon dioxide (CO2). But there is a part of breathing that is part of conscious thought. 

One example is singing. In order to properly use your full voice when singing you need to consciously inhale and exhale with your diaphragm. That gives you a full voice, whereas if you only exhale and inhale with your mouth and nose- singing with your head -you will struggle with your sound and volume. 

Sometimes we live like that - operating on fumes of air. We wonder why we get tired often and don't have the stamina or clear thinking to handle life's demands. We need to allow ourselves time to slow down, pause the treadmill of life, and breath.

A colleague once taught us a breathing exercise. She said count 1,2,3,4 inhale, hold for 5.6., and breathe out 7,8.  She advised doing that a few times in a row at crucial moments of the day - especially before doing something or meeting someone important - or what/who we think are important. It is a way to pause and come back to the very basis of life, shutting everything else out and focusing on slowing down our heartrate and consequently our racing mind. 

Have you ever been driving somewhere, got lost, and kept driving down the road trying to figure out which way to go? How long do you continue before you pull off the side of the road and check a map, google the address, or check some other authoritative source to help get you to your destination. If you are a guy like me asking directions is not our strong suit, so it may be longer. But it will eventually come.

That is how it is with conscious deep breathing. It is a very simple thing but we neglect to do it. It takes remaining still and we are constantly in motion. But if you do it you may find that your way forward is clearer and calmer. So again I would say "breathe, just breathe".

A work in progress

 Have you ever had someone look at a project you were working on and remark negatively. Aside from not enjoying negative feedback you probably said "it's a work in progress" - in other words you weren't finished with it yet. I know there are times when I have been reticent to let anyone look at something I am working on for the same reason. Often when working on a speech I am revising right up to the minute  I present the speech, and sometimes even while I am giving it. It helps that I build my speeches around a framework of points and don't memorize. That way if I want to make a change mid speech I can, and no one will be the wiser. It's a work in progress.

But we often miss that with ourselves. We think we have to be perfect, have all our ducks in a row, and be all polished and refined. And we are our worst critics - for our 'smudges', mispoken words, missed opportunities. Of course we need to take ourselves to task and not just sail along with whatever. But we also need to silence that inner critic sometimes and give ourselves a break. We are not, nor will we ever be perfect.. We are human and as the saying goes "to err is human". The other part of that saying is "to forgive is divine" and we really need to experience the divine and forgive ourselves.

Every day is another opportunity for growth, success, and when we fail, to forgive. Remind yourself, and others around you, 'you are a work in progress".

next time

 would'a, ,should'a, could'a, and if only. Sad words for regret. You know you've said them. Scent of guilt mixed in with those. I wish I had but I can't fix. Those words will dog us unless we develop a forward looking alternative. And that is 'next time". Next time I will do better, next time I will remember. Next time I will think ahead, plan ahead, do the right thing. 

In toastmasters we have speeches and then we have evaluations. Not critiques. Critiques are saying what was wrong. What was missing. It is looking backwards. And it is easy. I did book reports when I was a kid and the easiest to do was when I really didn't like a book. It was when I liked a book the book report was hard to do. So is a speech critque. But a speech evaluation is harder. 

A good evaluation tells what you liked about the speech and the delivery with what you specifically appreciated - kudos to the speaker. But in between is the improvement you would like to see. We use it as a 'next time" we'd like to see you do 'blank'. Next time, use some more humor, next time use more gestures, next time more pauses. It is given not to tell you what you missed, but how you can make your speech better next time. 

Apply that to your life. Instead of giving yourself a hard time and 'should'ing' on yourself, say 'next time" I will 'blank". Next timeI will do better, think more, plan better. Don't focus on the past, look to the future - to the 'next time'.

Challenges

 Have you ever challenged yourself, or had someone else issue you a challenge? A challenge to stretch or step out of your comfort zone. How did you feel, did you succeed, and what did you learn from the challenge? I have a friend who is doing a 77-day challenge involving posting videos, usually between 1-4 minutes, each day. It was devised by a past World Champion of Public Speaking Darren LaCroix, as a challenge to be articulate, get over fear of speaking on camera, to improve speaking ability, and to commit to a goal. My friend is almost there and it will be interesting to hear his thoughts on it. I'm not sure if I will try, but I have done other things that fit into a challenge mode.

I was challenged at the start of my Toastmaster journey to be regular in giving speeches. Practicing a skill - practicing well - helps to build it. I had a mentor who said 'if you want to complete your Confident Communicator (first 10 speeches) this year, just schedule your self to speak every 4-5 weeks". I did and I completed that manual the first year. I continued the same process with the next manual, and then the next, and before you know it I had achieved my Distinguished Toastmaster award - the highest award in Toastmasters. It had become a regular habit, one that I continue to this day.

For me it is more than just stage time, having a regular presence up front. It is driven by my desire to make a difference in others lives. To resonate the messages that I feel are important out to people with listening ears. To educate, to encourage, to challenge, and to inspire. There are so many negative messages out there and they need to be counterbalanced with supportive and encouraging messages.

That is why for the past month I have been blogging, sharing thoughts. I didn't start on a special day, like New Year's, and I don't have a specific length to this challenge. I just started one day and decided that the best way to establish a habit was just to begin and do it every day. Somedays I share the link on twitter, others I share on Facebook. Over time they may appear on other forums. I would like to get comments and feedback. Eventually I am sure that will come. But in the meantime I know that this is helping me -especially in coming up with new ideas or angles to talk about. 

I hope my musings help those who read. And if so, please let me know. Thankss:)

Making memories

 Have you ever had a flood of memories from an object? Not viewing a photo of a time past, but seeing an object, smelling a fragrance, or tasting a food? Maybe hearing a song will bring back memories. I came across a trail and bridge in the forest last weekend and there were horsetails growing in the mud. It brought back memories of my grandparents house on the Oregon coast. They had a little stream that went between the parking area and the house. There was a bridge over the stream and there were loads of horsetails growing there. Seeing these recently brought back memories of me as a curious kid breaking them apart because I was fascinated by the segmentation.

At my father-in-laws memorial luncheon there was a food table laden with food including a dish of Concord grapes. You don't usually see those very often, especially not in stores, since they are very perishable. I have only seen them in a local fruit market - the same place you see local strawberries that also don't travel well. Growing up in the west hills of Portland we had a grape arbor and part of it was occupied by Concord grape vines. I used to pick and eat them right off the vine. Sampling the same grapes at the memorial instantly took me back to childhood.:)  

Hearing music has always brought back memories, mostly happy but then some sad. I will never hear the raggae style version of Over the Rainbow again without thinking of my late sister Betty. We used the music as background for a slide show at her memorial 11 years ago. I love the music but it always makes me cry. I hear her voice everywhere, think I see her face in the crowds. And I have a great campout picture of her and me right in front of my desk.

Savor life, savor the sights, sounds, taste, smells and touch of life all around you. Make memories today.

Energizing To Do's

 Do you write to do lists and still get little done? Do you write things down that you know you need to do and yet get to the end of the day with little checked off? What is the problem and how do you turn it around and have productive lists? I think the problem is that these lists are unfocused, vague and unactionable. There are 3 things that you need to do to fix the problem.

First you need to give each item a "why?" Why do you want or need to do this? Is it personal and important to you? We do many things in life without knowing why. And having a why gives us better reason and energy to complete the task. It might be that you are in charge of a project, or have financial or medical reasons driving it. Or you may have promised someone (family or otherwise) to complete the task. Every item on your list needs to have a '"why?" stated - even if it seems really obvious.

Second you need to set a priority to the task. Is it the most important task for the day, the week, the month? Is it  short term immediate task, or is it more future priority - first task on a project? This will help you to know where on the list it should go and whether you need to jump on it first, or if it can wait until you finish other tasks. Size of task is also important - sending off most emails is quick, while outlining a speech can take a bit longer.

And thirdly, you must list a first step. So many to do list items are vague. 'Working on project X" is not specific, "try to compose Y" gives no specifics. Every project is either a specific task (email/call/write so and so) or has specific tasks to complete - "create outline", "register for conference", etc. If there is no specific task to start with the item can expand to fill much more time than necessary - involving just "thinking" about it instead of doing something productive. Or it can discouraging any effort on the task because it seems overwhelming and hard to grasp.

An example for me recently was a speech that I had planned. I had collected and arranged recent pictures and weaved a story through them. I was not totally happy with the result. I felt the end was too abrupt and unsatisfying. I know I needed to fix it but was stymied. I knew that my presentation was 2 weeks away, so I needed to fix it before then. But where to start? I took some time to think about it, musing whether I needed to add/delete text, or maybe add a few pictures to flesh it out. Then as I reviewed the pictures in my mind I realized I did not need to add any pictures. With the switch of a couple existing pictures, and a couple extra lines of text, I could create a satisfying end for the story - satisfying for both me and my audience. I had my why and priority, I just had to add the first step.

As the Chinese proverb goes "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step". Answer the "why?", establish the priority, and lay out the first step and see if your to do's start getting done.

Persistance

"never the less she persisted'. This is a phrase that characterized our recent history. Women have historically gotten the short end of the stick as far as opportunity in our country and around the world. As the youngest child in a family with four older sisters I was raised to appreciate women and value them as equals - and my father did not treat them any different, insisting that we all go to college. But not all families were as equality minded as mine. Many were down right hostile and we have struggled as a society to accept, let alone promote the advancement of women.

That is why it was especially heartening to see the scene at the recent Presidential joint address to Congress where for the first time in history two women were seated behind the president  - Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and Kamala Harris, Vice President. There are many more women elected to Congress as well as Governors and Cabinet Secretaries. Still there is room for more and the wage gap is still there.  

Women have led the way in recent protest against inequality - starting with the Women's March of January 2017. They have led in the Black Lives Matter movement, just as they were very active in the civil rights movement and anti-war marches of the 1960's. The originator of the "persisted" quote meant it as a complaint, but it is an example to follow. When opposition is strong, persistence and resistance is needed even more and if anything good came out of the last 4 years it was the persistent resistance to inequality.

My advice to my latest nieces to graduate high school was "never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, just because you are a women". It is my advice to all women out there. Learn the stories and follow the lead of historical women out there  - from Sojourney Truth and Harriet Tubman of the 1800's to Susan B Anthony and Alice Paul of the 1900's, to the Elena Kagan, Sonya Sotomayor, and Stacey Abrams of this century. Study their lives, say their names, aspire to persist as they did.

Resistance is not futile.