Everyone is a Leader

 

There has been a little controversy over the Toastmasters motto “where leaders are made”. Some have said that they only want to improve their speaking and have no interest in leadership. But without leaders how would the meetings, the contests, the training, happen? The very organization would not exist without leaders.

 

Everyone is a leader, whether they know it or not. Every person who gives a speech is leading. They may want to entertain, challenge, inspire, warn, persuade. Any number of motives are there in their words, but the fact that they are seeking to move a  group of people to action means they are leaders.

 

Even if you are not up in front of a group speaking your very lives are demonstrating an example that people will follow. I heard a lot of wise words from my mother that helped build my character. But the bigger impact was the way she lived her life, the example she displayed every day. She lived her words and lead me to be a better person.

 

The way you live your life leads: if you strive hard and fair and succeed some people will gain confidence that fairness and hard work matters. If you cheat and succeed some people may be tempted to try the same. If you quit when the going gets tough some people may be tempted to quit. But if you persist in the face of fierce opposition others will take courage and fight on. “Never the less, she persisted”

I don't care who started it

"But Mom, she started it". " I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it". So went the recollection of my sister Betty, remembering childhood sibling rivalries and her dismay that mom wouldn't let her explain why she was right. She said it wasn't until she had kids of her own that she understood. The sound of two little kids arguing incessantly would drive her crazy and she realized mom was wise to "end it". 

Imagine how having a different perspective can change your mind. Too often we get wrapped up in our own thoughts, our own assumptions, our own biases, that we fail to realize that we may be missing pieces of the picture. We see conflict as win or lose, heroes and villains, black and white with no shades of gray. We want to stick up for our 'friends' oppose our 'enemies'  and get everyone to take sides since we are convinced 'diplomacy' won't do any good.  

We are seeking quick and tidy solutions to messy conflicts that have existed and festered for decades if not hundreds of years.  In our shortsighted views and  we all back differing sides and seek 'victory' and 'justice', the only things that are thriving are the morgues and graveyards. While the debates go on about who is right and who is wrong, death and disease inhabit the cities and villages. Men, women and children suffer death from weapons in the sky and on the earth. Hospitals, homes, schools, and even places of worship are no refuge. Many have to flee their homes to foreign lands and even there discrimination and abuse follows them.

Isn't it time to echo my mom's words "I don't care who started it"? Isn't it time to call for a time out so that we can listen to everyone and start building bridges that can bring us together and quit building walls that only divide us? Can we set aside our blaming, biases, and backgrounds in order to consider that we might not know it all?

I know that most of us have no ability to alter the outcomes of world conflict, except to petition our representatives. But I believe that our influence in the world starts right in our backyards. If we can promote peace where we are, perhaps that effort may serve to affect ever widening spheres of community, just as a stone dropped into a pond sends ripples out in all directions.

It begins with you and it begins with me, and it starts right where we are. In times of conflict let us take a time out, speak up and  say "I don't care who started it"...

Discovery

Every day is a fresh start. An opportunity to to either build on the successes of the past, or to correct the mistakes of the past, or just do something different. We have no requirement to continue our lives in the same manner as part days, nor any compulsion to change just for changes sake. We have an opportunity to live out our lives as we see fit. 

Examine your life and take stock of the discoveries you have made each day. Has your life been a stretch of the same routine, day after day? Or has it been a series of ups and downs, constantly changing? How about a third option - choose to make each day a discovery day. Whether it is a new friend, a new place to visit, or just a new perspective on life.

I am a hiker, taking daily walks, partly for exercise and partly because it livens up my mood for the day. Whether I am taking on a new path, or looking at an old path in a new way, I seek to see the new and wonder in it  I discovered a new park yesterday and hiked some new trails, getting temporarily lost and then finding my way out again.

Have you ever spent time brainstorming? Perhaps thinking about new ways to do things, or new things to do? It is good to spend some time daily in order to not let our minds get old. It is also good to stretch ourselves, challenge ourselves with the new. It helps us avoid ruts that we so often fall into. It is also good to dream, close your eyes and imagine. You might be surprised at what you discover - about yourself, and about the world  

Bloom where you're planted

 Spring is here and planting has begun. I went round and round in Lowe's choosing plants to place in my containers on the patio, lead by a cherry tomato start. I love fresh tomatoes right off the vine, better than anything store bought. And they are easy to grow. I chose bell pepper and mint, plus some flowers and two root crop seeds - carrots and radishes. And of course I bought potting soil to rejuvenate my containers so they would support growth. 

I love to garden. I love watching plants grow and produce flowers or vegetables. Or berries - I once grew strawberries and raspberries from starts. Nothing like hot fresh berries off the vine. It reminded me of growing up in the west hills of Portland where I could gorge myself on blackberries in my own back yard. Something about digging in the dirt and then seeing the fruits of your labor is so refreshing.

I also love to speak, sharing stories with others, and see their eyes light up with understanding. I want to encourage people to share their stories and not be afraid to be open with others. We all benefit from the stories are told. We need to encourage growth in others by the same techniques we use in gardening: watering with giving freedom to speak, fertilizing with feeding encouragement, weeding to help them identify and remove the obstacles that are prevent their progress. Sometimes those are people who hold them back, sometimes it is their own thoughts and messages from the past. We need to affirm them with the sunshine of our praise when they overcome their fears.

And we also need to remember our need to grow. No matter what our situation we can grow. We need to identify and remove the barriers that are keeping us back. We need to dream and stretch out our limbs to the sky. And sometimes we may need to improve the soil that we are planted in. But we also need to remember to grow wherever we are planted. Not just for ourselves but for all the others with whom we are planted.

Joy

 The last of the Rules of the Road by Pete Buttigieg is Joy. At first that might seem an odd choice after qualities like Respect and Truth and Discipline. Those seem to be habits that we develop to make us more efficient and trusted. And joy is often dismissed as just a feeling, and emotion that is a luxury, not an essential.

But that could not be further from the truth. As kids we would say "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" It is a bit trite and a cliche, but remember that a cliche is a truth that is way overused and becomes dull. For our own mental health we need to have light moments in our lives - comic relief. And the same goes for joy. While we are dealing with serious matters we need to remember to have fun - or at least try to have fun. 

So what is joy? And how is it different from happiness? Happiness comes from happening. Things will happen to us that make us happy. Depending on the circumstances it may be short-lived or longer-lasting. It is dependent on what happens to us. Joy is a choice. We choose how we look at life, how we view the events that happen to us. It is controlling how we approach all those things we cannot control.

Like the old dichotomy of glass half full glass half empty. It is the third view - there is a glass and we can drink it or fill it up with more. Sometimes it is seen in gallows humor - any day I am vertical is a good day. Or TGIF - thank goodness it's Friday.

But it is also something that can color our day and make work less like work. It is related somewhat to passion. There is knowing we need to do something and then there is wanting to do it.  Desire is important. It drives our efforts. And joy is the same way. What good is finishing a project if you can't experience some satisfaction, some joy, in it?

In the midst of sorrow, pain, suffering, and defeat, let joy drive our sails to victory. And don't forget to let it out. As the old saying goes, if you're happy and you know it, don't forget to tell your face.

Excellence

 

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. No, Princess Bride fans, the word is not “inconceivable”.  The word is excellence. In our hyper competitive world most people would think it means winning. And oh, don’t we all like winning? But think about the Olympic medal podiums. There are three places to stand, one for the gold medal winner, one for the silver medal winner, and one for the bronze medal winner. The gold medal winner gets the most attention, and we say they excelled and showed excellence. But all three were excellent. They all gave it their best effort, even though just one got the gold.

That my friend is what excellence means – giving it your all, doing the best you can do. Striving to use all that life and biology has given you and achieving what is in your reach. And encouraging others to do the same. And not comparing yourself to others. You don’t compete with others but rather you compete with yourself. It is not a call to leap ahead but to take regular steps forward.

Different people learn, grow, achieve at different rates and in different circumstances. I know of a couple people who worked hard in school. One worked her tail off and got C’s. The other who was capable of A’s sometimes slacked and got some B’s. so who excelled, the one who got B’s or the one who got C’s. In this case the one who excelled was the one who got C’s.

Excellence is one of the core values of Toastmasters. Respect, Integrity, Service, and Excellence. While we do have contests -just finished one season -the real emphasis is to steadily improve our speaking and leadership skills. Everyone has their first time speaking in public and everyone has a different learning curve. But we all strive to do our best. That is what excellence means.

Discipline

 Discipline can get a bad rap. Memories of growing up and having discipline "administered" at home and at school. Depending on how far you stretched yourself in yearning for independence and how strict your parents and teachers were you might have had more or less desire to remember those memories. Those who have gone through military training probably also have less than fond memories associated with discipline. 

But at the core discipline is learning to navigate life successfully in order to avoid unnecessary negative consequences and to gain positive results. Like in a game where rules are intended to keep the action running smoothly and to avoid harm to all players. 

And those who are wise will engage in self-discipline, being self aware and choosing to follow sane rules. Like looking both ways before crossing a busy street, thinking before you speak, or just saying please and thank you. It doesn't mean that we are driven by do's and don'ts, slavishly adhering to somebody else's guidelines. It means that we learn the wisdom of following accepted rules of conduct and procedure, knowing when and where to diverge from well worn paths.

A good example in my daily life is in Toastmaster meetings. There are certain expectations, like being polite, not interrupting, being prepared to share, and most of all beginning and ending on time. Toastmasters are very flexible, but time management is one of the key disciplines of every meeting. It is for the benefit of all, so it is agreed upon by all. 

I am sure that during the campaign Pete (Buttigieg) and his staff were very cognizant of the need for discipline, with all the meetings and travel, speeches and needed R&R. That is why it is included in his Rules of the Road. And I think that even though we aren't involved in such a large endeavor that it would do us well to exercise that self discipline as well.

Words of substance

 Have you ever listened to someone who could talk forever and yet never really say anything? Isn't that tiring? Or on the other hand have you ever been blown away by someone who used few words but expressed profound thoughts? I think we can all think of those times. I am reminded of the comments on the speakers at the dedication of the battlefield at Gettysburg. The main speaker, Edward Everett, was considered the greatest speaker of his day. He spoke for over 2 hours and not much is remembered of what he spoke. President Abraham Lincoln spoke for only 2 minutes and yet over 150 years later his speech is repeated in every school in the land and celebrated as an example of brevity and eloquence.

How do you use your words. Small talk and humor are important parts of our conversation, but there are serious issues that need discussion and we have an obligation to speak up and speak out. Speaking truth to power is not just for the journalists and political leaders. Not just for the preacher and celebrity. It is for all of us. The problems of today will not be alleviated by gabfests, but by heart to heart exchanges of substance. 

This is another of Pete Buttigieg's rules of the road -a guide to political activism, to help us all make an impact on our society and work for the betterment of our country and our world. Tune in tomorrow for more.

More than just personal responsibility

When many people think about the word responsibility they focus solely on personal responsibility 

They say that in our individualized society people need to take personal responsibility for their actions and not rely on others - government or church or society at large to bail them out when they encounter hard times. And while it is certainly important to take personal responsibility for our own actions, especially in preparing for possible unpleasant surprises, looking at it purely on that level is at best short-sighted.

Responsibility encompasses several levels. When you were aa child your parents probably held you partly responsible for the upkeep of your home. They would say things like "clean up your room", "make your bed", and they might assign you chores. Mine was mowing the lawn -ours was about a half and acre- not my favorite task. Your actions reflected positively or negatively on the family.

If you are married you have a responsibility to your spouse, even if you don't have children. You need to treat him or her with respect, love, and honor. You can't just be concerned with  yourself. And if you have children that adds a level of responsibility. You are held responsible for their welfare. 

When at work you are responsible for making sure your conduct reflects well on the company. You are a representative of the company. That was a lesson I learned well during my days - and nights - aas a radio announcer. With my choice of music, with my words on the air, how I responded when the phone rang - never knowing what kind of caller it would be, I was representing the station. It didn't matter that often calls might come at the worst possible time. When I picked up the phone I knew it was not me they were calling, but the station and I was speaking for it,

These are pretty well known and accepted aspects of responsibility. But there is another aspect of responsibility that has been shunned or devalued by many. It is a sense of societal/global responsibility. To care for others around us who may not be as fortunate as us. Some may also not have been so wise and fallen on hard times. Whether due to poor decisions or unforseen calamities, it is imperative that we take time to reach out and help. And helping out the less fortunate in our society helps us all. Who knows when we might need a helping hand. And despite the myth of the self-made individual we all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

As the poet John Donne said "no man is an island, entire of himself.  For we are all a part of the whole". 

boldness

 Boldness is the willingness to take risks and act innovatively, to act with confidence or courage. This is a characteristic that is very much needed today.  There are many people who know what is right but they are afraid of taking action to stand for what is right and to oppose what is wrong. We have seen in our nation people unwilling to stand for truth - instead they fall for lies. Even when the truth is clear for all to see. For instance just this week a congressman state that  January 6th riots were just a normal Capitol Hill tourist visit. Despite overwhelming photo and video evidence to the contrary, he persisted in the lie. 

I believe one reason that there was a trial of George Floyd's murderer, let alone a guilty verdict, was due to the outpouring of protest by people who risked getting covid in order to speak out against injustice. They marched by the thousands in the streets all across America, because it was the right thing to do, because they could not turn away and ignore it. May their tribe increase.

There are two aspects of this. One is to speak out against evil. The other is to boldly stand out in support of what is right. To have a vision of what could be, how we could transform our society and our environment and take action to make those dreams reality. To break away from the status quo and seek to grow. That is what happened in the 1960's. People were emboldened to work for change, to break away from the status quo. It didn't all work, but there was tremendous change. Just look at the Voting Rights Act , the Civil Rights Act, Medicare and Medicaid, and men on the moon.

The first step is to believe that your voice matters, then take the risk to act and encourage others to follow you. One person can make a difference, especially if they get others to follow. Be Bold.

Teamwork

 You know the old saying "there is no I in team". Trite but true. Sometimes as Americans we focus so much on individual rights and freedoms that we forget that community and the common good is also important and vital to a healthy environment. And sometimes we think that we can do it all on our own - the self-made man/person myth. We either get burned out by trying to do it all, or we isolate ourselves by thinking just in terms of what is best for us. 

Now individual liberty and rights are important, don't get me wrong. I guess what is important to remember that just as defending our individual rights is important it is also important to defend the individual rights of others. To use another well used phrase - "your freedom to swing your fist ends at the other person's nose'. Rights are not in isolation. They are meant to bring freedom for all, not just a few.

And in terms of projects, whether work, home, or elsewhere - like Toastmasters - doing things as a team lightens the load and multiplies the strengths of all to achieve results. Brainstorming, for instance, helps the creative process, since one person alone may not come up with the best solution to a problem. We learn from each other. And delegation helps to achieve success with less stress on individuals -"the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" - as the Greek philosopher Aristotle observed.

To be truly effective in teamwork we need effective leaders, not simply managers of course, But in this very competitive society, where we often focus on winners and losers we need to exercise more cooperation and focus on teamwork ,where everybody wins. Go Team!:)

Truth

 "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" That is the question that all witnesses in a trial have to swear to before they give testimony. In these past few years aren't there people you would love to see on the witness stand have to swear to that - and face perjury charges if they strayed from it.? I have a few in mind, and I bet you do to.

Why is the oath written that way? Because adding or subtracting from the whole truth is lying as much as telling a full fledged lie. Withholding information or mixing truth and falsehood is misrepresenting the true situation and can complicate or prevent solutions. And it is true that telling a lie many time doesn't make it true, nor does the amount of people who believe the lie, make it true. 

Now people may have differing opinions about facts, figures, people, events, etc. That is certainly up for discussion. But the truth of a matter is not. As someone famously said , you do have the right to your own opinion, but you do not have the right to your own facts. In work, at home, in any endeavor, especially working on a team, an adherence to truth is important. It builds trust, and teamwork - the next of the rules of the road.

belonging

A sense of belonging is not just a desirable trait - to have and to give. It is a very necessary part of life. Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, places it just above security and safety needs. It isn't one of those "how long can you live without..." needs, nor is it a security concern. But it is vital to the quality of life. You can't just exist - that isn't living.

When people were asked what they missed most during the pandemic of 2020, the most frequent answer was "hugs". We were still connected via zoom, phone, email, etc. But what was missing was the physical touch - for obvious reasons. Smile were seen only through the eyes. Handshakes were replaced by fist and elbow bumps. We had communication but sometimes we lacked connection. 

Families had to avoid large gatherings. We didn't have our annual family campout at the beach last year, partly because of the large gathering shutdowns, but also because the campgrounds were closed. After over 30 years of doing it every year that was a big loss. Singles had it rougher because they were more isolated. At least for couples, like my wife and I, we had each other and though we were largely stuck at home, we share the same space and the same hugs.

Though the expressions of love and belonging are much easier with physical contact, don't let that be a barrier. Be open to others and demonstrate your concern in both word and deed. Let them know that you care and that they belong. And let yourself be open to realize that you belong - open your ears and eyes to those around you as they reach out to you. 

We all need belonging and that is why it is one of the Rules of the Road.

Respect

 "Respect your elders" we were always told when we were children. Funny that now many of us are "elders" and look to get respect. We tend to think of respect as something we need to show towards those in authority, due to their position of responsibility. We think of the definition that says  respect is "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Those in positions of authority, and those who support them, cite this as deferring to their direction. Unfortunately often we have to respect the office since we can't always respect the occupant of it - like some recent political examples.

 But we also need to show it to others around us at the same level. One definition of respect is "due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others". This is a more mutual action. Respect for others works both ways and is a community building process. We need to be treating each other with respect, just for who we are. 

Respect does not mean always agreeing with either the other person or their ideas or stands on issues. Respect does not mean overlooking faults or failing to call out misdeeds. But it means that we treat others the way that we would want to be treated, and being an advocate for the growth of everyone. Respect means that no matter who we are, where we are from, or what our differing backgrounds are, we accept each other just as we are - fallible human beings. 

It is vital for team building, in every aspect of life, not just politics. Rule #1 of the Rules of the Road.

Rules of the Road

 We all had driver's training, one way or the other, so we know the normal driving rules of the road. And our parents tried to raise us to have acceptable behavior in public. But did you ever think about going above and beyond in our interactions with others? Trying to exemplify the best behavior for the best positive impact on society in all we do.? 

Politicians are stereotypically crass and calculating and focused on the end results - getting elected. I say stereotypically because it is just that, a broad generalization that blanket blames a group of people for the infidelities of the minority. It is hard to overcome in our perceptions, but there was one person in our recent election cycle who tried to stand out. He developed a list of principles that he wanted his team to exhibit and live out for all to see. His name was Pete Buttigieg, former presidential candidate, now Transportation Secretary  and he called his list (appropriately) the Rules of the Road.

I would like to share his 10 Rules now and let them percolate in your brain. Then over the next week or so I would like to delve into each one and share how I think they are applicable for us in our daily lives.

His Rules of the Road are; Respect, Belonging, Truth, Teamwork, Boldness, Responsibility, Substance, Discipline, Excellence, Joy. Taken together they envision a capable, caring, connection and commitment to not just slide by in life, but to excel and elevate the conversation and the work that we do so that we can leave this world a better place and help people be the best they can be. A better tomorrow for all of us. I hope you will come with me as I explore these in greater depth in future posts.:)

Never and always

We have a bad habit of using absolute words. Like never, always, nobody, everybody. I almost would like to have them excised from our language. Too often we use those words to judge, to stop discussion, to exclude someone or to over-praise. Phrases like "the best of all time" or conversely "the worst of all time" also tend to exaggerate and make an exclusive statement that is a communication stopper. That is one source of prejudice. We utilize group think and most often the always or never comments are negative. 

There are group characteristics but people are still individuals. So when you hear 'always' or 'never' consider it a red flag and carefully question the statements made using those words. We need to treat people fairly as individuals and not prejudge them based on some conscious or unconscious stereotype.

Also, if you hear someone say "you're not like other 'blank'" question it and if it is said to you, don't necessarily take it as a compliment.

While we should reject broad generalizations there are times for all-inclusive language. We started off our country with such a statement. While the existing reality was far from it, we had the aspirational statement in the Declaration of Independence of "all men are created equal". Living up to that has been a continual struggle with its ups and downs - that is why I call it aspirational. The language of the Bill of Rights is full of inclusive language - "Congress shall make no law...." "no person shall...be deprived or life, liberty, or property without due process of law". And the 14th Amendment "all persons born or naturalized in the United States...are citizens". Pretty inclusive language, eh?

I guess you might say that we should always be on the lookout to help every one we can , and never be engaged in hurtful behavior towards anyone. Yet at the same time be very careful to not blanket blame or disregard anyone. And always see people as human, because we all would appreciate being treated fairly. 

In the end watch your words.

Reinterpreting Mom

 Moms, we all have them, can't get into this world without them. We love them, remember them fondly on days like today , ride the up and down waves with them as we travel from children to adults through the maelstrom of the teenage years. They mean well and want the best for us. But sometimes the communication from their heart to our minds gets a little twisted sometimes. And of course, as teenagers we all rebel, some of us in more quiet ways.

Mom and Dad were not major rule makers, but there were a few. We all ate dinner together, no TV during dinner - of course phones in those days were attached to the wall and computers were in their infancy so no need to make rules about those distractions from normal family communication. We were told to take a little bit of everything (yes, everything) on the table and finish everything on our plate. We had to finish it all, or no dessert - and everyone wanted dessert. They were children of the Depression and food was precious so you didn't want to waste it. And you couldn't always get everything you wanted (war rationing) to you had to develop tastes for everything. 

Unfortunately it took my sisters and me years to overcome the compulsion of 'eat it all'. I struggled with "I paid for it I need to eat it or I am wasting food". I learned that my taste buds often were seeking something satisfying and they would continue seeking even if the thing I had on my plate didn't satisfy. So it made sense if something didn't taste right, or I was unsatisfied, not to continue eating something, even if I had paid for it. 

I also learned to choose wisely, manage portions so I didn 't have as much to finish. And I learned to trust my taste buds. There are foods that I grew up on, and suffered through, that I will never buy or eat again. I have had people tell me "you just didn't have it the   right way". No, I tried and my taste buds rejected it -I trust them.

My mom was also a worrier and sometimes overcautious. I have learned to stretch myself. There are things that I have done or do that I know my mom would worry about if she were here, but I do them anyway, just so I can grow.

I have learned to look back and realize what my mom was trying to teach me (and my sisters). She wanted us to appreciate what we had and not take it for granted. She wanted us to explore new foods and not instantly reject them. She wanted us to not be wasteful. And she worried because she loved us. I can appreciate that looking back. Teen years were not the best. I loved my parents but when I went to college I was determined to go AWAY from home to college.

One lesson that my mom taught me I don't have to reinterpret. She emphasized to accept everyone you encountered regardless of who they were, where they were from, what they looked or sounded like. Always expect the best of everyone. And she practiced what she preached. So that lesson has stayed with me all these years.

My mom passed away 42 years ago, but the lessons live on. If your mom is still here please let her know today that you love her. And whether she is here or passed, deal kindly with the memories. Mom's aren't perfect, but I think the vast majority mean well Try as you can to "reinterpret" their messages and find the growth possible there.

we are all leaders

I believe we are all leaders, in one way or another, whether we know it or not. There has been an ongoing debate in Toastmasters over the slogan "where leaders are made" because some people keep saying they are not into leadership just improving their speaking ability. I think everybody can see public speaking skills are in sore need of improvement, just by listening to statements of public officials up to an including some presidential examples in our lifetime. And I'm sure many people have encountered what I have - corporate leadership with bad speaking habits. 

But in order to have the training for improved speaking planned meetings have to take place which requires...competent leaders. For contests to happen, where people get better through practice, there need to be leaders who plan, lead, and judge the performances. And there need to be leaders pointing the way and exemplifying improved speaking skills to let people know what to aim for in their striving to improve.

Even in the non-Toastmaster world leadership is required for any organization to flourish. We don't act in society in solo bubbles. And why do we need to improve our speaking skills? In order to communicate better to influence the world around us, if for no other reason that to change the world for the better - for us if not for others.

Anytime you speak you are being watched. Not in a creepy voyeuristic way. But people pay attention to see if you walk the talk, if you have some bit of wisdom to help them handle life. To find truth in your words and light in your smile. People can be influenced for good or ill by your example, and in that you are a leader, even if you don't feel it or occupy a "leadership role'. 

The question is not "are you a leader?", but "how are you leading?". What message are you communicating by the words that you speak , and the life that you live? And why would you not want to improve that ability. In my training days my method was fourfold  fold: show my trainees how to do the job, explain why I did the job that way - what the end goal was, tell them to make any changes to my routine that they felt got to the end result a more efficient way, and then step back and let them go at it.

I would review to make sure the end results were correct, but I would never force them to do it my way just because it worked for me. I wanted to set them free to be creative. That was the goal of my leadership. 

So who is following you and what are you teaching them. You might be amazed at the people who are looking to you for leadership and what effect you are having on their lives. It might seem to be small, but to them it may be large and you are helping to change the world one little bit at a time. And if we all are working the small changes it can together make a big change in the world. You are a leader.

Just Breathe

 "Breathe, just breathe". Life can be frustrating, confusing, disheartening at times. We spend our days trying to do the best, be the best, understand it all. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and we feel like quitting. We feel like we can't measure up, or that what we do doesn't matter anyway. It feels like a mountain too high to climb. And we forget to breathe. 

Not the physical act of breathing. Fortunately our body inhaling and exhaling, taking in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide is an internally regulated process. Our body is wired with sensors that trigger the breathing when it senses too little oxygen or too much carbon dioxide (CO2). But there is a part of breathing that is part of conscious thought. 

One example is singing. In order to properly use your full voice when singing you need to consciously inhale and exhale with your diaphragm. That gives you a full voice, whereas if you only exhale and inhale with your mouth and nose- singing with your head -you will struggle with your sound and volume. 

Sometimes we live like that - operating on fumes of air. We wonder why we get tired often and don't have the stamina or clear thinking to handle life's demands. We need to allow ourselves time to slow down, pause the treadmill of life, and breath.

A colleague once taught us a breathing exercise. She said count 1,2,3,4 inhale, hold for 5.6., and breathe out 7,8.  She advised doing that a few times in a row at crucial moments of the day - especially before doing something or meeting someone important - or what/who we think are important. It is a way to pause and come back to the very basis of life, shutting everything else out and focusing on slowing down our heartrate and consequently our racing mind. 

Have you ever been driving somewhere, got lost, and kept driving down the road trying to figure out which way to go? How long do you continue before you pull off the side of the road and check a map, google the address, or check some other authoritative source to help get you to your destination. If you are a guy like me asking directions is not our strong suit, so it may be longer. But it will eventually come.

That is how it is with conscious deep breathing. It is a very simple thing but we neglect to do it. It takes remaining still and we are constantly in motion. But if you do it you may find that your way forward is clearer and calmer. So again I would say "breathe, just breathe".

A work in progress

 Have you ever had someone look at a project you were working on and remark negatively. Aside from not enjoying negative feedback you probably said "it's a work in progress" - in other words you weren't finished with it yet. I know there are times when I have been reticent to let anyone look at something I am working on for the same reason. Often when working on a speech I am revising right up to the minute  I present the speech, and sometimes even while I am giving it. It helps that I build my speeches around a framework of points and don't memorize. That way if I want to make a change mid speech I can, and no one will be the wiser. It's a work in progress.

But we often miss that with ourselves. We think we have to be perfect, have all our ducks in a row, and be all polished and refined. And we are our worst critics - for our 'smudges', mispoken words, missed opportunities. Of course we need to take ourselves to task and not just sail along with whatever. But we also need to silence that inner critic sometimes and give ourselves a break. We are not, nor will we ever be perfect.. We are human and as the saying goes "to err is human". The other part of that saying is "to forgive is divine" and we really need to experience the divine and forgive ourselves.

Every day is another opportunity for growth, success, and when we fail, to forgive. Remind yourself, and others around you, 'you are a work in progress".

next time

 would'a, ,should'a, could'a, and if only. Sad words for regret. You know you've said them. Scent of guilt mixed in with those. I wish I had but I can't fix. Those words will dog us unless we develop a forward looking alternative. And that is 'next time". Next time I will do better, next time I will remember. Next time I will think ahead, plan ahead, do the right thing. 

In toastmasters we have speeches and then we have evaluations. Not critiques. Critiques are saying what was wrong. What was missing. It is looking backwards. And it is easy. I did book reports when I was a kid and the easiest to do was when I really didn't like a book. It was when I liked a book the book report was hard to do. So is a speech critque. But a speech evaluation is harder. 

A good evaluation tells what you liked about the speech and the delivery with what you specifically appreciated - kudos to the speaker. But in between is the improvement you would like to see. We use it as a 'next time" we'd like to see you do 'blank'. Next time, use some more humor, next time use more gestures, next time more pauses. It is given not to tell you what you missed, but how you can make your speech better next time. 

Apply that to your life. Instead of giving yourself a hard time and 'should'ing' on yourself, say 'next time" I will 'blank". Next timeI will do better, think more, plan better. Don't focus on the past, look to the future - to the 'next time'.

Challenges

 Have you ever challenged yourself, or had someone else issue you a challenge? A challenge to stretch or step out of your comfort zone. How did you feel, did you succeed, and what did you learn from the challenge? I have a friend who is doing a 77-day challenge involving posting videos, usually between 1-4 minutes, each day. It was devised by a past World Champion of Public Speaking Darren LaCroix, as a challenge to be articulate, get over fear of speaking on camera, to improve speaking ability, and to commit to a goal. My friend is almost there and it will be interesting to hear his thoughts on it. I'm not sure if I will try, but I have done other things that fit into a challenge mode.

I was challenged at the start of my Toastmaster journey to be regular in giving speeches. Practicing a skill - practicing well - helps to build it. I had a mentor who said 'if you want to complete your Confident Communicator (first 10 speeches) this year, just schedule your self to speak every 4-5 weeks". I did and I completed that manual the first year. I continued the same process with the next manual, and then the next, and before you know it I had achieved my Distinguished Toastmaster award - the highest award in Toastmasters. It had become a regular habit, one that I continue to this day.

For me it is more than just stage time, having a regular presence up front. It is driven by my desire to make a difference in others lives. To resonate the messages that I feel are important out to people with listening ears. To educate, to encourage, to challenge, and to inspire. There are so many negative messages out there and they need to be counterbalanced with supportive and encouraging messages.

That is why for the past month I have been blogging, sharing thoughts. I didn't start on a special day, like New Year's, and I don't have a specific length to this challenge. I just started one day and decided that the best way to establish a habit was just to begin and do it every day. Somedays I share the link on twitter, others I share on Facebook. Over time they may appear on other forums. I would like to get comments and feedback. Eventually I am sure that will come. But in the meantime I know that this is helping me -especially in coming up with new ideas or angles to talk about. 

I hope my musings help those who read. And if so, please let me know. Thankss:)

Making memories

 Have you ever had a flood of memories from an object? Not viewing a photo of a time past, but seeing an object, smelling a fragrance, or tasting a food? Maybe hearing a song will bring back memories. I came across a trail and bridge in the forest last weekend and there were horsetails growing in the mud. It brought back memories of my grandparents house on the Oregon coast. They had a little stream that went between the parking area and the house. There was a bridge over the stream and there were loads of horsetails growing there. Seeing these recently brought back memories of me as a curious kid breaking them apart because I was fascinated by the segmentation.

At my father-in-laws memorial luncheon there was a food table laden with food including a dish of Concord grapes. You don't usually see those very often, especially not in stores, since they are very perishable. I have only seen them in a local fruit market - the same place you see local strawberries that also don't travel well. Growing up in the west hills of Portland we had a grape arbor and part of it was occupied by Concord grape vines. I used to pick and eat them right off the vine. Sampling the same grapes at the memorial instantly took me back to childhood.:)  

Hearing music has always brought back memories, mostly happy but then some sad. I will never hear the raggae style version of Over the Rainbow again without thinking of my late sister Betty. We used the music as background for a slide show at her memorial 11 years ago. I love the music but it always makes me cry. I hear her voice everywhere, think I see her face in the crowds. And I have a great campout picture of her and me right in front of my desk.

Savor life, savor the sights, sounds, taste, smells and touch of life all around you. Make memories today.

Energizing To Do's

 Do you write to do lists and still get little done? Do you write things down that you know you need to do and yet get to the end of the day with little checked off? What is the problem and how do you turn it around and have productive lists? I think the problem is that these lists are unfocused, vague and unactionable. There are 3 things that you need to do to fix the problem.

First you need to give each item a "why?" Why do you want or need to do this? Is it personal and important to you? We do many things in life without knowing why. And having a why gives us better reason and energy to complete the task. It might be that you are in charge of a project, or have financial or medical reasons driving it. Or you may have promised someone (family or otherwise) to complete the task. Every item on your list needs to have a '"why?" stated - even if it seems really obvious.

Second you need to set a priority to the task. Is it the most important task for the day, the week, the month? Is it  short term immediate task, or is it more future priority - first task on a project? This will help you to know where on the list it should go and whether you need to jump on it first, or if it can wait until you finish other tasks. Size of task is also important - sending off most emails is quick, while outlining a speech can take a bit longer.

And thirdly, you must list a first step. So many to do list items are vague. 'Working on project X" is not specific, "try to compose Y" gives no specifics. Every project is either a specific task (email/call/write so and so) or has specific tasks to complete - "create outline", "register for conference", etc. If there is no specific task to start with the item can expand to fill much more time than necessary - involving just "thinking" about it instead of doing something productive. Or it can discouraging any effort on the task because it seems overwhelming and hard to grasp.

An example for me recently was a speech that I had planned. I had collected and arranged recent pictures and weaved a story through them. I was not totally happy with the result. I felt the end was too abrupt and unsatisfying. I know I needed to fix it but was stymied. I knew that my presentation was 2 weeks away, so I needed to fix it before then. But where to start? I took some time to think about it, musing whether I needed to add/delete text, or maybe add a few pictures to flesh it out. Then as I reviewed the pictures in my mind I realized I did not need to add any pictures. With the switch of a couple existing pictures, and a couple extra lines of text, I could create a satisfying end for the story - satisfying for both me and my audience. I had my why and priority, I just had to add the first step.

As the Chinese proverb goes "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step". Answer the "why?", establish the priority, and lay out the first step and see if your to do's start getting done.

Persistance

"never the less she persisted'. This is a phrase that characterized our recent history. Women have historically gotten the short end of the stick as far as opportunity in our country and around the world. As the youngest child in a family with four older sisters I was raised to appreciate women and value them as equals - and my father did not treat them any different, insisting that we all go to college. But not all families were as equality minded as mine. Many were down right hostile and we have struggled as a society to accept, let alone promote the advancement of women.

That is why it was especially heartening to see the scene at the recent Presidential joint address to Congress where for the first time in history two women were seated behind the president  - Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and Kamala Harris, Vice President. There are many more women elected to Congress as well as Governors and Cabinet Secretaries. Still there is room for more and the wage gap is still there.  

Women have led the way in recent protest against inequality - starting with the Women's March of January 2017. They have led in the Black Lives Matter movement, just as they were very active in the civil rights movement and anti-war marches of the 1960's. The originator of the "persisted" quote meant it as a complaint, but it is an example to follow. When opposition is strong, persistence and resistance is needed even more and if anything good came out of the last 4 years it was the persistent resistance to inequality.

My advice to my latest nieces to graduate high school was "never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, just because you are a women". It is my advice to all women out there. Learn the stories and follow the lead of historical women out there  - from Sojourney Truth and Harriet Tubman of the 1800's to Susan B Anthony and Alice Paul of the 1900's, to the Elena Kagan, Sonya Sotomayor, and Stacey Abrams of this century. Study their lives, say their names, aspire to persist as they did.

Resistance is not futile.

Use your thinking cap

 When you read or listen to news do you have your thinking cap on? Or are you accept unquestioningly whatever comes to you by ear or eye? I fear for most it is the latter. It's not that people are purposefully deceptive or incompetent - though some are. But communication is a two part process. Those who listen or read must carefully evaluate what is being said or written so that true education is taking place.

Let me give you an example. Recently Fox News reported that a poll they had conducted on immigration showed that 46% of respondents believed that border security was worse now under Biden than under Trump. On the surface this is not good news. However there are serious issues with the news, and the source of the poll is not the major problem.

For one thing this is an opinion poll, not a research paper. It is subjective, not objective. Likely most of the respondents do not live in border states, let alone not in border communities. They have at best second or third hand information on border conditions. Any poll is just a snapshot of people's opinion on situations not an ongoing study of conditions. 

Also, the accuracy of polls is dependent on many factors, such as the way questions are asked, how the respondents are reached, what is the sample size, etc. It also is dependent on the purpose of the poll -what is it being used for? Unconscious bias can creep into any poll, even among the best of pollsters. And how specific are the questions - security worse - how so? Does not sound like a question that comes with a grade scale.

If one is really interested in the immigration/border situation it would be more helpful to communicate with those who handle those issues - border patrol, local border community leadership, immigration lawyers and courts, etc. Those who have the facts, not just opinion. To me it is very important for folks to understand not only what is going on, but the framework of the current immigration system. You might be surprised.

And, as always, ask questions to check the validity of information, don't just swallow it whole. As Joe Friday used to say "just the facts, ma'am"

Book love

 Do you remember some of those odd job interview questions? The behavioral questions, non- traditional ones that are aimed at revealing your personality and how you would fit into their team? I have a curious mind and would like to ask you one of those for feedback purposes. I find it fascinating what people read, because I tend to read most anything, and often work my way through multiple books at once, at various rates of speed and duration. I read to discover, to grow, to challenge myself, to relax and entertain.

So, what was the last book you read and what did you learn from it? It can be any type, any genre, fiction or non-fiction, new or older. A brief response, whether it appealed on the gut level or blowing mind level.

I am wondering if people have been reading these and trying unsuccessfully to post comments. I am curious and this is one way to test the notion. If you try to post a reply and are unable to, could you do me a favor and let me know? I would like to see if it is a trend, one that I will endeavor to fix. Please comment on the Facebook post I will link this to.   That way either I will see your post on the blog or on Facebook. 

I would like this to be a conversation.

Thanks:)

Bob

Assumptions and expectations

Expectations and assumptions go together and both can lead to trouble. Part of the problem is that we all come from different experiences and patterns of behavioral upbringing and we often fail to take that into account. We see our experiences as normative and everything else as out of the norm. It can be as simple as reading a set of rules and what do you do with things that are not spelled out. Kind of like the glass half full/glass half empty. Some will say that if the rules don't specifically state that you can do something, you can't. While others , myself included, say that if the rules don't specifically state that you can't do something , means you can.  

We make assumptions based on our own experience - everyone should know what we know, everyone should have the same reactions we do. But everyone comes from their own experiences and may react differently. I have to watch myself on that at times. 

At a recent Toastmaster contest there was new person serving as toastmaster, basically the emcee of the event. Prior to the event there are briefings for all the participants. The judges, ballot counters, and the timers are briefed by the chief judge, and the contestants are briefed by the toastmaster. The reason is the toastmaster is the one who introduces the contestants when they speak and interviews them after they all speak, so it makes sense for the toastmaster to brief them on the rules and procedures of the contest. The problem  in this contest was that our toastmaster was a relative newbie to contests and he made the assumption that I, as chief judge, would be briefing everyone. 

Fortunately we discovered this in the dry run (practice) for the contest and not at the event itself. But often in life we make assumptions or have expectations in situations that end badly. It is wise to be open to others experiences and not prejudge the situation. 

There is one case where I believe we should use assumptions and expectations - in a very positive way. I believe, as my mother taught me, that we should expect the best of everyone. Not demanding the best, but be expecting the best from everyone. Not prejudge someone before they have had a chance to make that first impression. And as I have heard from others - assume positive intent. Assume that someone means well and has no negative intent by their words or their actions. They may not turn out that way but we should go into every interaction with that mindset. 

Drinking horses

 "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". We all know the saying. Despite our best efforts to change something or someone, there are still things out of our control. We can't guarantee success. It can be said with resignation - I did all I could do:(...But sometimes we use it as an excuse for lack of effort. I think we need to rethink common sayings like this and we might just find some insight that will guide us to success.

One thing to ask ourselves "did we lead that horse to water?". Or did we just assume he wouldn't drink so we didn't bother. Visibility and awareness can be assumed, but not realized. It is not only the proximity of the horse to water that is important, but also - is the horse thirsty? If they aren't they won't drink. So maybe we need to make sure when we are leading the horse to that water that they are thirsty. And we can help that along if we put a salt lick by the trough - encourage thirst.

If we think about it we might ask - 'what does the horse want?'. Maybe they are hungry and need grain not water. Maybe they are tired and need a rest Maybe they are bored and feel like running. All of those things might discourage them from drinking the water. It might not be (as we tend to think) that they are stubborn. 

So when you are frustrated because you aren't getting the outcome you want for your efforts, do a deeper dive into the situation, question your assumptions and gain a new perspective on the problem. You might find a way around the blockage.

Opportunity knocks- are you listening?

We are all familiar with needing to be prepared for unexpected bad things happening. Earthquakes, hurricanes, fires, weather related flooding, etc. We make up emergency kits, have plans of who to call and where to go. And in cases of personal emergencies, weather health related or otherwise, we make plans.

But what about the unexpected good? Are we prepared to take advantage of good fortune- especially opportunities for us to expand our horizons and try new things? There is a chance we may miss out on those opportunities if aren't prepared. How do we prepare? I have a 5-point plan.

One, we must know ourselves and our capacity to take advantage of opportunities. How much time and energy do we have at our disposal. How much give room do we have in our schedules? Could we realistically take on a new project? Two, what kind of skills and experience do we have to tackle a project.

Three, what is our comfort level and how much do we want to stretch? For instance, if I were offered the opportunity to take a trip to New Zealand, as long as the funds were there I would have no hesitation. However if I were offered, at no cost to me, a chance to skydive, I would refuse. No amount of money would induce me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I get my thrills in more sedate ways, though I have friends who would and have 'jumped' at the chance. We all have our own comfort zones.

Closely related to that is 'what do you want to do?" We have our different interests, passions, dreams. Things that appeal to me might not appeal to you. We have to know ourselves in advance so when the opportunities arise we can decide quickly whether or not it is for us. Many things that come our way have no appeal.

And finally we have to remain aware of sources where we might find opportunity. If we know what we are looking for we can direct our attention to those sources. One of my regular activities is Toastmasters and outside of my local club there often come up opportunities to speak in clubs around the country and the world. I have seen many lately and determined that I should make sure I am ready to take advantage of those. 

When opportunity knocks make sure you are ready. Surprises can be positive, you know.

Goodbye to superheroes

 There are times in our lives that we need to get away, physically and mentally, sometimes emotionally, from the stress of everyday life. We use many means to do this, two of my favorites are books and movies. To delve into another world allows me to take a breather and reset. Some people do that to excess and it can be detrimental, not only to themselves but to others. 

I do not begrudge anyone their escape, and realize that different people have different tastes, and may be in a different phase in their lives. I have gone through phase changes in life and left a lot of things behind as well as adopted different attitudes. One of the most recent was on superheroes in general, and one in particular. Captain America.

Captain America is sort of a quasi -superhero. Yes, he got injected with a serum that vastly increased his strength and confidence, plus adding a very powerful weapon to his arsenal (his shield), but he wasn't in Superman or Hulk category. I read comics as a kid and enjoyed superhero movies. But something dawned on me when I watched his origin movie. I was troubled by it.

My ancestral history has something to do with it. My great-grandfather (mom's side) fought with the Union Army in the Civil War, including service with the Vermont 14th Brigade at Gettysburg, on Cemetery Ridge resisting the last Confederate charge. My grandfather (father's side) served with the AEF (American Expeditionary Force) in Europe during WWI. And my uncle (mom's brother) died preparing pilots to fly in WWII. So I am very conscious of the service and sacrifices that millions of Americans and other nations made to defend freedom - ours and others. 

With that in mind the notion that the Captain America film portrayed of a hero coming in to save the day and repulse our enemies seemed ludicrous and even slightly offensive. We didn't have a superhero and yet we won the day, repulsed and defeated the enemy. There were ordinary people who stepped up and did the hard, dangerous, death defying job - many who could have easily avoided it. They were the heroes.

I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, nor cast aspersions on what someone may enjoy. But for me, I am done with superheroes. No need for waiting for the few fantastical creatures to save the day. it is for us ordinary folks to be willing to step up, be willing to roll up our sleeves and work. To stand for what is right, to defend the vulnerable, to oppose the wrong and those who do wrong. To speak for the speechless and encourage the disheartened. And it is for us to celebrate the real heroes who, though ordinary did extraordinary deeds. 

Live in the present

 I believe in time travel, because we do it all the time. We live in the past or in the future, whether it be better or worse. Oftentimes we live in the past, dwelling on and regretting past failures and  missed opportunities, or celebrating and resting on past laurels of victories and happy memories. Or we live in the future, either dreading future deadlines or anticipated disasters, or looking forward eagerly to happier times and gatherings especially if desired to escape current or past woes.

But as we are jetting off to the future or dwelling on the past, reality is present and we need to live here. We cannot change the past -except to use it for lessons to apply today. And we have no control over the future - except to plan ahead for better outcomes tomorrow. And if we are not living in the present we may fail to appreciate the good things that are here today. We are only guaranteed today and it is a special gift.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realized that they were not with you? Their eyes had that glazed over appearance. You have a time traveler on your hands. You may feel like saying "can you hear me now?" or "are you with me" We all have times when we are like that. Let that be a reminder to you, when you are here, be here. Look them in the eye, listen to the words they say, ask questions to show that you hear them. 

Someone once said, The past is a cancelled check, the future is a promissory note, the present is cold hard cash. Spend it wisely.

Habits

 I walk every morning, rain or shine, at least 30 minutes, often more. I do it partly because it is good for me, both physically and psychologically, but mainly because I enjoy it. The best habits are like that. We often resist starting habits when they are suggested as 'good for us'. We may not outright reject them, because we acknowledge that the person recommending the habit means well, cares about us, and that they have a good point. But often we drag our feet because we are not drawn to start a habit even though we know we "should". The sense of obligation acts as a deterrent. We also feel that if we start something we have to continue. And we often plan a specific date to start - like New Year's Day - and then fall behind and quit.

It has been said that doing something for 30 days in a row establishes a habit. You don't have to start on a particular date, just start and keep it up for 30 days. By then it will be ingrained in your day and a day without it would be lacking. It is best if you can start habits because you like them, like my walking. But there are some habits that you can start doing because they are important and then find that you do enjoy them. Sometimes you just do things because they are important - like my daily blood glucose testing and food diary. 

My blogging has gone through stages. I started as a spotty thing - blogging when I had an inspiration and had some grand presentation. I would do a series over time and then lag. I did a series a couple years ago for a Toastmaster speech project which required me to do 8 posts over a month and then give a speech about the process. I did and then faded. It was too easy to miss and too hard to schedule an every other day post, or twice a week. So I decided that what I needed to do was just post daily. No waiting for inspiration, no long involved posts. Just doing something daily.

 I realized that I didn't have to share the post (FB, Linked In, twitter, etc) all the time. I could treat it like a diary and share on FB, etc, when I felt it was really good, or at least 2 or 3 times a week. And the day I began was April 3rd - not the 1st, not a specific date, but just when I decided to start posting. There have been a few days when it was late by the time I posted and sometimes I would wake up with an idea. I don't know how long it will last, but for now I am planning to continue, and I hope my sharing is beneficial - not only to me, but to a wide range of people. I would appreciate your comments on my posts. Thank you.

Celebrate Earth Day

 On Earth Day it is good to remember that we all share one home - one planet - we are a global community whether we like the concept or not. Climate and weather and all the ills and benefits of both do not respect national borders. And as the native tribal people recognized no one really owns the land. Neither you nor your ancestors have  always occupied the land you live on, nor will you or your descendants always occupy that land, and in truth you occupy it with a responsibility to preserve it for those who will come after and occupy it. We must remember the lesson of kindergarten - share. 

How do we do that? We need to raise our awareness level, to see both the beauty and the peril of our world. It doesn't take much, just "a walk in the park" and "stop and smell the roses along the way". On this Earth Day go out for a a walk, without a radio or music player. Listen to the wind, the rain, the birds. Look at the vibrant colors in nature around you. Smell the flowers, feel the wind blow. Immerse yourself in nature for a while. Take a bag along, and maybe some gloves, so that you when you see litter you can pick it up and desposit it where it belongs - in the trash. 

Take time to plant flowers or vegetables - it doesn't take much. I have just a balcony but I plan on planting some cherry tomatoes again this year, and maybe try some carrots and radishes as well. Nothing tastes as good as fresh veggies right out of the ground.:)   You may think you can't do much to help, but loads of people doing just a little, helps a lot.

On this Earth Day, and on every other day, celebrate life and our home.

choices

 Have you ever resorted to flipping a coin to make a decision? How about doing eeny, meeny, miny, moe? Or one potato, two potato? And when you got the result did you immediately go with the decision or did you think "let's try 2 out of 3"? Or are you more practical, listing pros and cons of each possible choice? Do you have a version of "buyer's remorse" - once you have made your decision do you regret it? Sometimes we have real trouble making up our mind, and sometimes it is for seemingly trivial matters.

I'm not saying that we should be flippant and impulsive in our decision making, but sometimes we treat things way too hard, so serious. Part of it is that we are afraid of making the wrong decision, with terrible consequences. We want to make the best decisions, which is laudable. But the truth is that we will often make wrong decisions just like everyone else 

As I look back on my life I can see where I made bad decisions or avoided making decisions and have often wondered how different things would have turned out if I had decided differently. My first year of college was a disaster. I partied too much and studied too little. I ended up with a 1.5 GPA in a 4.0 system.. I flunked Shakespeare - me, a fan of the bard who knew several passages by heart!:(   I, an incurable experimenter, failed to put together a project for chemistry lab, rarely showing up, and got a C in chemistry only because I did very well in class. As a result I ended up changing my major and giving up my dreams of studying abroad. 

For both my wife and I had similar experiences and yet because of the paths we took we ended up together and have been happily married for over 26 years. It was meant to be, even with the errors we both made in our decision making. So when you take a tumble making a decision, pick yourself back up and go again. Look at the bright side of it all and celebrate life - you might even make a rash decision or two, but still celebrate. And by the way, if you really took inventory of all your decisions you've probably made many more right than wrong.

Justice

 What is justice? Is it getting the right outcome in a trial? Is it passing laws to combat discrimination? Is it protesting till authorities take action against unjust practices? Those are all part of it, but it is more. For one thing it is more than just structures and laws, it is the encouragement of fair and equitable processes. It is the equal sharing of resources and opportunities with all. It is changing from requiring mandates to a mindset of doing right because it is the right thing to do, not just because you have to do it. 

A recent example is hospital visitation, specifically the ICU. The usual rule for patients in the ICU is that visitation is limited to immediate family members. For many hospitals with a religious foundation have ruled out visits by same sex partners, even married ones. There has been legislation to address this problem, forcing hospitals to change policies. But why is a law required to prompt institutions to do the right thing? How can those who are in the healing professionals deny comfort to those hurting, based on some dogma when the visit would help and not hurt anyone? Isn't the first rule of the Hippocratic oath "do no harm"?

Sometimes I think we see ourselves separate from justice. We formalize justice into a system and forget that we need to be administrating and demonstrating justice in our daily lives. We can't and don't have to wait for justice to be done, we need to be doing it ourselves, with the lives around us that we can help.

As the Old Testament admonition goes "Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly" It is not just something that is done, but something we all do - or should.

Flexibility

Flexibility is something we strive for. I am a fan of gymnastics, especially watching the Olympic competition. I marvel at the moves, strength, and flexibility that those athletes have. Age and lack of practice diminish the ability to be physically flexible and my bones and muscles ache just watching the gymnasts perform. Some say that yoga can rebuild some of that stretching ability, so I may have to try that. But there is one area that we can all practice stretching.

The craft of a wordsmith is stretching. Learning and practicing the powerful and effective use of words is a craft that any can attempt. Being able to go beyond simple talks to inspiring, encouraging, challenging speeches is something that we should aspire to. The better we can communicate the more impact we can have for good in this world.

In Toastmasters we begin with eliminating filler words  - the 'ahs', 'ums', and 'so's' that can litter our speaking and be as annoying as physical trash on the street. We call out bad grammar and praise good use of grammar. We plant words of the day to increase our vocabulary and give recognition to 'colorful words and phrases', as we call them - when speakers incorporate elevated descriptions into their presentations. 

Recently we have been taking that work to another level - competition. One of our veterans recently commended speakers at a Division contest for 'stretching' themselves in their speeches. Taking them beyond the ordinary and with continual practice become more precise and descriptive and inspiring.

There were definitely some 'wow' speeches. It has definitely inspired me.

And if you want to hear some truly inspiring speakers you will again be able to listen to the best of the best at the World Championship of Public Speaking put on by Toastmasters International for free on Zoom this coming August. 

The 3 E's

 When I first joined Toastmasters my first speech, as is for all new members, was my icebreaker. An icebreaker is where you introduce yourself to the club and share how you would like to be remembered. In some ways it is the easiest speech and the toughest speech, all at the same time. It is the easiest because the topic is you and you are the expert - easy to remember and uncontroversial because it is all about you

But in some ways it is also the hardest. How do you define yourself, how do you narrow down the details of your life to fit 4-6 minutes. Don't sweat, there will be other icebreakers as you navigate the paths of TM. But I believe the first answer that comes to mind usually is best. So the answer to that first question - who are you? - is what comes to mind first.

That's how I came up with my "3 E's" speech. Explore, Experiment, Express. Those are the three words that define me most. I love to explore - both physical space and mental and experiential knowledge.  I love to experiment - try new things (food and otherwise) , do things a different way, and combine elements (chemistry and food mainly) to find out what happens. And I am a expressive person, even for an introvert. I enjoy expressing to others what I am thinking or what is going on with me, through music and/or words, in order to help people grow, feel accepted, and challenged.

Musing on those 3 leads me to articulate what I see as the purpose for this blog. I want to help you expand your mind and your horizons. I want to inspire you to explore without fear. To experiment with abandon And I want you to be able to express who you are, help others to see that, and to affirm yourself and your self worth. All of us have stories to tell, you need to tell them, and the world needs to hear them.

And hopefully I can use this blog and the comments to do inspire you. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Be yourself and be proud of it.

It's okay to be different - even weird

 Have you ever been called "different"? Did you every suspect that they were really thinking "you're weird"?  There can be pressure today, not just in our teen years, to conform, to stick to the mainstream and "fit in ".  But if you look around at nature you see all sorts of differences, even within types of flora and fauna. When I go on my morning walks I see and hear all sorts of creatures. I am often greeted with a chorus of frogs, unseen but clearly heard. I see scampering squirrels and hopping wild rabbits. It gets me in a good mood for the day. 

And then there are the birds. In essence they are the same creature - two-footed beaked flying things. But we know that there is so much variety, in every way. They look different, they sound different, they behave and fly differently. The little chickadees and quail flit swiftly from place to place, darting for crumbs and then away again. The ducks furiously quack like they hate to fly, while the geese honk as they head onward in formation across the sky. The herons lift off gracefully as they launch themselves into the sky, while the crows play chicken with cars, zipping off quickly at the last second.  And then there are the Stellar Jays who mimic others birds with their voices and are known among vacationers as campground thieves. 

So why should we be afraid of being different, or sticking out? Sometimes it is because we don't have company. We have normal stamped into us all by those, at home, at school, in society, who fear that we will be hurt if we stick out. Yes, some feel threatened by us being different, but I think a lot of well-meaning people, both parents and not, are afraid we will be rejected if we appear different. Sometimes we are restrained by words - that we don't want to apply to us.

I encountered one of those words in my life - weird. Nobody wants to be called weird. It has strong negative connotations - a bad label. I had a particular unusual food combination choice that I liked but many considered weird. I had a coworker who repeatedly used that word to describe it. Frankly one day I had had enough, so I said "okay, so I'm weird, somebody has to be, might as well be me". After that she never used the word again - I had neutralized its sting. It didn't hurt me since I had accepted it.

What labels have you had? What potentially keeps you from being you? Next time someone tries to limit you (even if it's just in your mind) by using a label like 'different', or 'weird', think of the birds and take pride in your 'difference'. Try to imagine how you can turn their words against them, or better yet how you can use that word to motivate yourself to be different. It can be a great challenge, but I believe you are up to it. And you have plenty of company if you just look around. If we were all quacking ducks afraid to fly, how far would that get us and how boring it would be.:)

End of the week thoughts

It has been a good week, much quicker going by than last week, even though I had 2 days off last week and just finished my usual 5 day stretch today. It was also a successful week at work which makes things go smoother. I am in the middle of Toastmaster contest season, with 3 Division contests completed, and 4 more to go, plus the District contest next month. I just found out that I now have 4 judges recruited for that contest, needing 5 more and one tie-breaker. It has been a successful and satisfying stretch as District Chief Judge, but I am eager to get going on preparations for my next gig - Division B Director for the 2021-2022 TM year.

The struggle with club growth continues - with our Edmonds club trying to rebuild and attract new members - next up is an open house on June 4th. And we did a reboot on our Marysville club - renaming it Pacific Storytellers, with a focus on storytelling. I am hoping that I will learn things through those experiences and clubs with membership issues in Division B that will help prepare me for a second run at Club Growth Director.

So far I have done 14 days blogging, including my first day April 3rd. I plan to keep on blogging on a daily basis in order to establish a habit, similar to my daily walks, and also to hopefully attract an audience. I don't know where exactly this will lead, but is an effort that I want to do and hopefully encourage and educated others. 

More to come

Think around corners

Think outside of the box - how many times have you used that phrase and wished you had a fresh new way to encourage people to be creative? Cliches are true phrases that have gotten beaten into the ground through overuse. I always wanted to find a better phrase and now I have. My most recent reading on leadership used the phrase "he was known for thinking around corners. I had never heard that before but I was hooked. It was such a fresh, novel way of putting it. I googled it and found that this is an up and coming phrase for creativity. I found several articles detailing the process.

My initial reaction was that it didn't say see around the corners, but rather think around the corners. I also noted that even though you can't physically see around a corner you can use other senses to give clues about what is around the corner. You can hear sounds from around the corner, you can smell something around the corner, and you can feel vibrations around the corner. So much like a blind person relies on there other senses when deprived of sight, you can use other senses to make up for the lack of sight around that corner.

But then there were other concepts that I was introduced to that amplified the concept. One person wrote about how a strategically placed mirror could help you see around the corner. They said that we all have times that we can't see around the corner and we need to have  different perspective and the mirror could be used to represent that. If you were able to create characters quite differently than yourself you could put the questions to them and get responses and perhaps get help to "see" around that 'corner'.

They suggested creating 3 characters to be that mirror - to give you options.

The other view involved an ongoing practice of asking 'what if?", using several methods including a heavy dose of curiosity to assemble options based on  what might happen, so as to be prepared for what is around the corner. This is both a hedge against bad things that might happen, but also a preparation for what good things might happen We often treat surprises with suspicion, thinking worst case scenario, fearful of carefully laid plans that get foiled. But we also need to anticipate that things might turn out much better than planned and be prepared to take advantage of them. 

There is much more to learn about this and I will be incorporating this into my leadership planning. And I would encourage you to be curious and try to think around the corner.

Curiosity

They say that curiosity killed the cat. But don't believe that. Cats always land on their feet. They don't fear curiosity and neither should we. In these days of pandemic alteration of life there is much need for change and the best change happens when we step off the cliff of the normal and soar into the unknown seeking to cause transformational change. We need imagination and inspiration to produce that lasting impact - to be not passively reactive but proactively reaching forward. 

I admit I am a bit biased. I was born curious, as are we all, but I maintained it through the rigors of school, traditional church, and in general a society based on set ways. I grew up in the 60's, a time of great change and was raised in a country neighborhood with plenty of space to explore. I had parents who encouraged my thirst for knowledge and allowed me to experiment. 

Not all of my experiments turned out well. I created a fire in my bedroom through a chemistry experiment gone awry.  I drained the household supply of either vinegar or baking soda with an experimental rocket. And I royally failed at my first baking attempt. Later on in college I spooked a chemistry lab assistant when I dropped a rootbeer lifesaver in a beaker of nitric acid just to see what would happen. The thick brown cloud in the beaker got swiftly sucked up under the safety vent. 

Nowadays I experiment with food and words, much safer than chemicals. But I am still very committed to staying curious, continually learning. And these words will never cross my lips (except in sarcasm) "we've never done it that way before"

Lessons from the lumberyard

I have learned a lot of patience in my working years, none more than when I worked at a lumberyard in Phoenix. Not only was there plenty of heat, dust, sawdust, noise, but ornery people, most of all my boss, Wes. Looking back not only was stubborn, loud, unpredictable, but he was abusive. Somehow I made it through 5 plus years there and in the process learned good word-working skills but also some general practical lessons. I'd like to share three with you.

The first one I learned the various machine saws that were used to trim the rough wood done to the size, smoothness and shape to be sold. When feeding boards into the machines you had to walk a fine line and had to not be afraid of the machine. If you held the board too lightly it would skew and get mangled. If you held it too tight would jam the machine. You had to guide it in and let the machine take it the rest of the way. 

The second lesson was on the molding machine. We made all sorts of wood molds, from chair and bar rails, to door jams, to floor and ceiling molding. Look around when you are in a restaurant or bar and you will see examples of what we made in the edges of walls and doors. I did a lot of work at the 'business end' of the machine - where the finished product came out. I was armed with a Skill Saw and my job was to trim any bad ends and then bundled the molding for storage and sale. I had a table underneath where the molding exited the machine and I learned, especially with reminders from my partner, Ernie, that if I hesitated to trim first the pile of molding would build up quickly requiring a time out to clear it. His constant mantra was 'when it's in your hand trim it, don't put it down until you have fixed it".  Deal with it right away and you won't have to deal with it again - keeps me going today.

And the third lesson was from observing a young coworker temp we had working for us for a short time. When feeding the  molding machine it is best to keep a constant flow of lumber pieces going in. If the piece in the machine did not have another piece being pulled in after it it would stall and the board would burn from the rollers trying to pull it along. On the other hand you wanted to trim off any rough ends before putting a piece in the machine. So there was a trim saw on a tripod behind the machine so you could trim any bad ends. Of course over time a pile of cut ends would build up behind the saw and you had to keep that down so the saw could do it's work. To make a long story short one day this kid saw the pile behind the saw building up, quickly tried to clear it, saw the last piece feeding into the machine and in a hurry put his hand down on the tripod to get back to the machine and his hand went into the blade. He pulled it back out quickly so he didn't get seriously hurt, but he did have a cut and required bandaging. He never got that hurried again  and we put a saw guide over most of the blade.

So, guide things along - don't try to force it. Deal with problems right away before they build up. And be mindful of your surroundings and don't rush. Lessons from the lumberyard. 

Yoda was wrong

 Yoda, the great Jedi master was wrong when he told Luke "do or do not, there is no try".

There is always "try". We never know for certain how our efforts will turn out. We are never guaranteed success. And if we shy away from trying because we are afraid of losing then we will never win. It is important also to try things so that we learn. We learn what we do well and what we need to practice more. We get a sense of our strengths and our weaknesses. And most of all, we learn what we really love and is vital to us, and what leaves us cold and can be left behind. Therefore we can put forth our energy in the right places.

Yoda was also wrong when he said to Anikin "anger leads to hate". Many times that is true, but not all. There is a time for anger. When we see injustice, like often in the past year, we get angry. And that angry can translate into speaking out against injustice and seeking for ways to confront and overcome the injustice. People who are suffering from injustice need our voices and efforts in righteous indignation.

And Yoda, and the other Jedi Masters were also wrong when they warned against attachments. Again there can be trouble when we get too attached to things or to certain people. But attachments, relationships with others are the staff of life. They give it meaning and pleasure. Love is not a danger to duty, but the force (no pun intended) that holds societies together. The Jedi set the stage for their doom by denying Anikin the freedom to love, and to have empathetic support in battling the fears he had about his mother and Padma. He had no other choice than to turn to the dark side when the light rejected him.

So try, speak out against injustice, and fiercely love and protect those are precious to you. It may not be the way of the force. But it is the way of life.

Not All Who Wander are Lost

 You might have heard the quote before "Not all who wander are lost". It was penned by J.R.R.Tolkien as part of a poem about one of the characters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I saw it recently painted on a series of rocks forming the foundation for a railroad track running along Puget Sound north of Mukilteo where I was exploring the shore. I take it as one of my mantras, since I am always out to discover new trails to walk, forests to explore, sights to see.

Oftentimes we can find ourselves following the same paths, doing things the same way, practicing the same habits. It's comfortable, but if you follow the same path all the time ruts can develop. And then the ruts can get deep and controlling. The only way to get out of ruts is to actively step out and do something different. That can take the form of 'wandering', or as I would term it 'exploring'.

Everywhere I go I like to explore. When I was a kid it was climbing to the top of the nearest hill by our  campsite. Whenever I moved to a different place to live I would go out and explore the neighborhood and any nearby forest or wild areas. Sometimes I would drive around, purposely get myself 'lost', and then keep going till I reached a familiar place again. That way I would discover new pathways and routes to get home even when I really got seriously lost. I discovered there are many ways to get from one location to another, some of them really scenic.

When I go hiking on trails I take 'bunny trails' that are not official but inviting. Some are fulfilling, some not, but I take them anyway just to see. It's like Forrest Gump says about chocolate "you never know what you're gonna' get". I love when trails fork off, depending on my mood I may take one or the other, always expecting to discover something new.

I think we need to have that in life as well. Sometimes we are so driven by goals and expectations that we can miss the unexpected pleasures of discovery. And perhaps miss a better way to do things.

So if you see me wandering, don't assume that I am lost - or that if I am lost, don't assume that I need help to get found. Let yourself get lost sometimes, lost in discovery and expect pleasant surprises.

Competition woes

 We live in a competitive society. Many of us have favorite teams we cheer for in many sports and then we have the Olympics coming up  - hopefully this year  - and we cheer for our USA teams. We also have other events where we experience competition. As part of Toastmasters International I am involved not only in improving my speaking and leadership skills, but as a District Chief Judge I oversee the voting in the speech contests that determine who moves forward in that competition. And several years ago while I experienced a short stretch of unemployment I was involved in competing for jobs, often without seeing or knowing who I was competing with.

Everybody loves a winner, and struggles with losing. Sometimes it can affect our moods and attitudes. In my 20's and 30's when my favorite team lost a game it ruined my day. I was so involved that I took it personally, even though it did not materially affect my day. I had to mentally remind myself "it's just a game" and almost militantly take myself to task to separate my emotions from it. I have seen it take hold of people and result in destructive behavior, either external or internal. 

I have seen it at international competitions, like the Olympics, where rooting for our own national teams takes priority and overshadows the appreciation for the skill and sportsmanship of others with whom we share this planet. We deprive ourselves and others in that way and do the sport a diservice.

But it is not just involved with sports.. I'd like to have you briefly consider two other arenas where competition can be destructive.  I  up grew up in a supportive family with supportive parents and siblings. I was the baby of the family, with four older sisters.  I am glad that my parents didn't play favorites, we were all treated with equal value. No one had to compete for our parent's love - it was given freely and without conditions. Our vacations each summer were a bonding experience and have resulted in annual family reunions that continued for 30 years only interrupted by last year's covid outbreak. I have known many people who did not have that and it makes me sad.

And  as a nation we also have another arena where competition has no place. That arena is healthcare. Having been a worker in the system for 30 years I have seen the set up and downfall of it and how it affects people. I work for a company that is dedicated to helping people get access to healthcare. But the overall system is based on competition -companies competing for members and so many rules on what is covered and how much. We are fortunate that the testing and vaccines have been covered at no cost, but it has people wondering why couldn't we have this apply to healthcare in general, so that people would not have to put off needed treatment due to either finances or rules.

We always do better when we cooperate as  people to solve problems. So don't get caught up in competition, winners versus losers. Let's seek to cooperate more, and all be winners.:)

The Power of Silence

People think that good communication is driven by making the right choice of words and the right way to speak them. They fail to realize that just as important is when not to speak. Silence is powerful. One of the ways we know that is through the elimination of filler words. Often speeches and ordinary daily communication is cluttered by filler words - like um, uh, so, and , you know, etc. We have a bad habit of inserting these in our sentences, often just to keep the train of conversation going. We may be afraid if we let up someone will take over the conversation. Or we think that if we pause we will risk looking lost or confused, unsure what to say. Actually when we take a pause our conversations and presentations become stronger because the words we say stand out and get delivered more forcefully.

Another way that silence is powerful is one that introverts know very well. Extroverts draw their energy from crowds and constant conversation and activity. Introverts, on the other hand, draw their energy from silence and solitude. We can engage in social activity just fine, but at some point we need to recharge and for that we need calm and silence, if for no other reason than to hear ourselves think.

Listening to yourself is a great practice - both body and mind. I find that my greatest time of re-energizing is taking a walk, preferably in nature. Many mornings I start out to a chorus of frogs, or hearing all the neighborhood birds greeting the dawn. I can observe so many things when I am quietly walking and my eyes and ears and mind are clear of distractions. 

Listening is another form of silence. To spend time with a loved one or friend and just listen to what they are saying. Sometimes we talk over each other, eager to share our experiences and thoughts and get so focused on ourselves that we forget to listen to each other. That takes some silence on our part. This is extremely important in dealing with helping someone going through grief, but it is also important in other situations. Remember that one way of showing interest and empathy is good eye contact, open ears, and closed lips. 

Someone once said that silence is golden. So true. So take time in the midst of conversation to breath and let the other person talk. It is said that God gave us two ears and one mouth and perhaps that means that we should listen twice as much as we talk. Just a thought