The Power of Silence

People think that good communication is driven by making the right choice of words and the right way to speak them. They fail to realize that just as important is when not to speak. Silence is powerful. One of the ways we know that is through the elimination of filler words. Often speeches and ordinary daily communication is cluttered by filler words - like um, uh, so, and , you know, etc. We have a bad habit of inserting these in our sentences, often just to keep the train of conversation going. We may be afraid if we let up someone will take over the conversation. Or we think that if we pause we will risk looking lost or confused, unsure what to say. Actually when we take a pause our conversations and presentations become stronger because the words we say stand out and get delivered more forcefully.

Another way that silence is powerful is one that introverts know very well. Extroverts draw their energy from crowds and constant conversation and activity. Introverts, on the other hand, draw their energy from silence and solitude. We can engage in social activity just fine, but at some point we need to recharge and for that we need calm and silence, if for no other reason than to hear ourselves think.

Listening to yourself is a great practice - both body and mind. I find that my greatest time of re-energizing is taking a walk, preferably in nature. Many mornings I start out to a chorus of frogs, or hearing all the neighborhood birds greeting the dawn. I can observe so many things when I am quietly walking and my eyes and ears and mind are clear of distractions. 

Listening is another form of silence. To spend time with a loved one or friend and just listen to what they are saying. Sometimes we talk over each other, eager to share our experiences and thoughts and get so focused on ourselves that we forget to listen to each other. That takes some silence on our part. This is extremely important in dealing with helping someone going through grief, but it is also important in other situations. Remember that one way of showing interest and empathy is good eye contact, open ears, and closed lips. 

Someone once said that silence is golden. So true. So take time in the midst of conversation to breath and let the other person talk. It is said that God gave us two ears and one mouth and perhaps that means that we should listen twice as much as we talk. Just a thought

Less is More

 Less is more. We know the saying. Sometimes we think about diet - less calories gives more satisfaction and better health. But there is more than one way to think about that. I'd like us to consider 3 ways.

Less is more when we are deciding. Sometimes we tend to overthink situations and spend too much time and effort trying to fix or understand things, You may have heard about Occams\'s Razor - the idea that often the simplest and least complicated answer is correct. That is why I usually avoid and discount conspiracies - they are too complicated and subject to failing. I catch myself over analyzing and try to go with the simple answer. Less is more.

As many of us have noticed during our covid home bound times that we have a lot of clutter. To downsize we need to remember that less is more. We often keep too much stuff, or more than we need of any one thing, yet have trouble getting rid of extra, keeping only that which, as an expert states - gives us joy. Less is more

And thirdly, we often have a habit of trying too hard to help in time of need for those going through grief, either lose of loved one or other grief bringing experiences. We try to use our words to "help" when what they really need is our presence and acceptance that they are grieving. Sharing similar experiences, saying things will get better, or highlighting the good things going on  don't help. Let your words be few, let them be the type of "I'm sorry for your loss", "I care", or simply "I'm here", and then be there.

remember - Less is More

A Home for Storytellers

 

Do you have a story that you are eager to share? A story that you are bursting at the seams to tell? Or a story you just don’t know how to tell or who to tell it to?

We all have stories to tell — not just one, but many. Personal stories about who we are, what we want to achieve, where we’ve been, and where we are going. Stories that not only inspire us, but also inspire and enrich the lives of others.

We once gathered around the fire to tell such stories. But where do we go now? Where is the modern-day fireside?

For nearly a century, Toastmasters has provided a safe and encouraging environment to sharpen our presentation skills for greater clarity and impact. A place to hone the art of storytelling, to pass those stories along and widen our reach.

Pacific Storytellers is a new Toastmasters club that is a home for the storytellers of the world to gather and offer stories of healing, stories of encouragement, stories full of passion — and, of course, stories for entertainment. Come one, come all!

Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek used to say, “Please phrase your answer in the form of a question.” But we at Pacific Storytellers say, “Please express your message in the form of a story.” We are all waiting to hear your story.

Come make your home at Pacific Storytellers. We meet on first and third Wednesdays of each month at 7:00 p.m. PST, on Zoom.

Contact me, Bob King, at bobkingtoastmaster2013@gmail.com for the Zoom link.

Age is a state of mind

I believe age is just a state of mind. Turning a certain age does not define your physical, mental, or emotional state. It does not lock you into or out of certain characteristics. I never accepted the notion of middle age, reject senior status, and choose to see myself as I am, not being defined by societal accepted norms. I choose to remain young at heart and in mind, no matter how many years I may have accumulated.

I turned 65 today, but I don't feel it. I don't even know what 65 should feel like. My mom never made it to 65  - she died at 62, and though my dad lasted till 69, by that time he had survived several strokes and his health was much diminished so I cannot use him as a standard of expectations. I have worked hard to avoid the mistakes he made, chiefly paying attention to high blood pressure, and have remained very active so I am in very much better shape than he was in his 60's. I have also been exposed to many older folks who have endeavored to think and act young. It has encouraged me to stay positive and engaged with life.

I am not naive. I know that I am not 30 any more. If I forget my body will remind me. When I was 30 I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up in one day. That memory amazes me - no way would I even think of attempting that. And sitting cross-legged on the floor for any length of time will have my back in pain for hours. But I also walk a mile or two every day to keep active and remain an avid learner, to keep both my body and mind in good condition.

When I was in my late 30s I had a coworker who at 23 was bemoaning being "past his prime".  Part of the problem was that he was a chain smoker - every 30 minutes he would disappear and come back with smoke wafting out of his pores. And he also had a negative attitude that did not help.  On the other hand during a nursing home ministry I met a 103 year old lady named Ellen, who when asked how she was doing, would state from her wheelchair, "well I don't get around as well as I used to, but otherwise I'm doing just fine". 

You see, it can come down to attitude. I tell my wife, there are young and there are younger. I (we) are young, but there are many younger. The times I most realize that I am older is when I consider my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and some great-great nieces and nephews. My youngest nephew just turned 39, and a month ago my oldest nephew turned 52. I remember clearly when they wer just little kids. It's like when I turned 50, my four sisters, all older, exclaimed "little brother is 50, how did that happen?". They said much the same thing when I turned 65. 

Age happens, no matter what you do, and it is not always pleasant. But I have found that when I think young and don't let mere age limit me, it goes much better.  Think young!:)

The importance of being intentional

I walk every day. It is a regular activity that helps my mind wake up and my mood elevate. But the efficacy of the activity is dependent both on how intentional I am and the pace of my walk. I can get stuck in a negative mood, focusing on problems and have-nots, and my pace and mood suffer. When I start out strong and focus on positives I find myself more energetic and clear thinking. I can often work out solutions to problems while I walk and do creative thinking. I can also learn by observation, even when I am walking the same path but noticing different details. 

Being intentional with my activities and thoughts during the day helps overcome the drag of routine. Simply being reactive to events puts you on a rollercoaster ride. Being intentionally pro-active results in not only a more satisfying day, but also in carryover for the next day and beyond. It is a matter of choosing how to respond to those things you can't control, rather than let those events drive you.

But it is vital that you determine at the outset to take action, because once you give in to non-action it is hard to battle back. If you start strong in the day it is much easier to continue. Kind of like momentum - things at rest tend to stay at rest, things in motion tend to stay in motion. 

Be intentional in your actions and thoughts today.

When there's a 'why' there's a way

 Where there's a will, there's a way. We've heard it all before. The power of determination, the challenge to succeed, gutting it out to achieve a goal. Sound good, right? The problem is many people work hard on what they think they should do, but many come up short and wonder what is wrong with them. They bust their butts, stress themselves out, and end up frustrated and failing. And the problem is not with their effort, or even their plans, but that they are focusing on what, not why. 

They make plans with no vision, no passion. They are focusing on what they want to achieve, but forgetting about why. Why do you want to achieve a certain position in a company, a certain level of income, to meet someone else's definition of success.? The real satisfying success comes when you have passion and to have passion it needs to be something you really want. 

Granted we can't all focus on passion, just do what we want. In this world we have to make a living, and that is what makes work, "work". But we can choose to try and find something about our work that really gets us motivated and try to spend the energy on that. Sort of a 'spin' on our work that can motivate us to improve and carry us through. 

And we can choose to find something outside of work that draws us forward, something that we can be passionate about. We can find our 'why' in life. And if we can identify the 'why' we can find the 'what' the way to make it happen. 

So instead of beating yourself up over perceived lack of 'will', search to find the 'why' and you will find the way to meet those goals

Spring is here

 I think Spring is here. How do I know? I have started seeing wild bunnies out on my morning walks - a couple almost under my feet. The robins are furiously announcing their displeasure as I apparently have come too close to their nests (unknowingly). And I have a couple times walked out to a frog chorus. Spring is my favorite time of year, with crocuses, grape hyacinths, daffodils all bursting forth from the ground. And tulips are next on the horizon. 

Spring is a time of new beginnings, which all of us really need right now after the chaos, fear, and angst of 2020. Maybe now that the corona virus vaccine has come out we can get back to some kind of a new normal. Not the old normal, that is gone. But I believe we can have a new and improved normality, building on the lessons of last year and the changes we can "build back better". And we got a wake up call to never take our health, nor our loved ones, for granted again.

Our Toastmasters conference theme this year is Imagine, Inspire, and Impact. I think it is a perfect mantra for a brand new year of 2021. This blog represents for me a renewed focus on moving forward with energy based on reflections from the past in fully living and enjoying each new day.