Yoda was wrong

 Yoda, the great Jedi master was wrong when he told Luke "do or do not, there is no try".

There is always "try". We never know for certain how our efforts will turn out. We are never guaranteed success. And if we shy away from trying because we are afraid of losing then we will never win. It is important also to try things so that we learn. We learn what we do well and what we need to practice more. We get a sense of our strengths and our weaknesses. And most of all, we learn what we really love and is vital to us, and what leaves us cold and can be left behind. Therefore we can put forth our energy in the right places.

Yoda was also wrong when he said to Anikin "anger leads to hate". Many times that is true, but not all. There is a time for anger. When we see injustice, like often in the past year, we get angry. And that angry can translate into speaking out against injustice and seeking for ways to confront and overcome the injustice. People who are suffering from injustice need our voices and efforts in righteous indignation.

And Yoda, and the other Jedi Masters were also wrong when they warned against attachments. Again there can be trouble when we get too attached to things or to certain people. But attachments, relationships with others are the staff of life. They give it meaning and pleasure. Love is not a danger to duty, but the force (no pun intended) that holds societies together. The Jedi set the stage for their doom by denying Anikin the freedom to love, and to have empathetic support in battling the fears he had about his mother and Padma. He had no other choice than to turn to the dark side when the light rejected him.

So try, speak out against injustice, and fiercely love and protect those are precious to you. It may not be the way of the force. But it is the way of life.

Not All Who Wander are Lost

 You might have heard the quote before "Not all who wander are lost". It was penned by J.R.R.Tolkien as part of a poem about one of the characters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I saw it recently painted on a series of rocks forming the foundation for a railroad track running along Puget Sound north of Mukilteo where I was exploring the shore. I take it as one of my mantras, since I am always out to discover new trails to walk, forests to explore, sights to see.

Oftentimes we can find ourselves following the same paths, doing things the same way, practicing the same habits. It's comfortable, but if you follow the same path all the time ruts can develop. And then the ruts can get deep and controlling. The only way to get out of ruts is to actively step out and do something different. That can take the form of 'wandering', or as I would term it 'exploring'.

Everywhere I go I like to explore. When I was a kid it was climbing to the top of the nearest hill by our  campsite. Whenever I moved to a different place to live I would go out and explore the neighborhood and any nearby forest or wild areas. Sometimes I would drive around, purposely get myself 'lost', and then keep going till I reached a familiar place again. That way I would discover new pathways and routes to get home even when I really got seriously lost. I discovered there are many ways to get from one location to another, some of them really scenic.

When I go hiking on trails I take 'bunny trails' that are not official but inviting. Some are fulfilling, some not, but I take them anyway just to see. It's like Forrest Gump says about chocolate "you never know what you're gonna' get". I love when trails fork off, depending on my mood I may take one or the other, always expecting to discover something new.

I think we need to have that in life as well. Sometimes we are so driven by goals and expectations that we can miss the unexpected pleasures of discovery. And perhaps miss a better way to do things.

So if you see me wandering, don't assume that I am lost - or that if I am lost, don't assume that I need help to get found. Let yourself get lost sometimes, lost in discovery and expect pleasant surprises.

Competition woes

 We live in a competitive society. Many of us have favorite teams we cheer for in many sports and then we have the Olympics coming up  - hopefully this year  - and we cheer for our USA teams. We also have other events where we experience competition. As part of Toastmasters International I am involved not only in improving my speaking and leadership skills, but as a District Chief Judge I oversee the voting in the speech contests that determine who moves forward in that competition. And several years ago while I experienced a short stretch of unemployment I was involved in competing for jobs, often without seeing or knowing who I was competing with.

Everybody loves a winner, and struggles with losing. Sometimes it can affect our moods and attitudes. In my 20's and 30's when my favorite team lost a game it ruined my day. I was so involved that I took it personally, even though it did not materially affect my day. I had to mentally remind myself "it's just a game" and almost militantly take myself to task to separate my emotions from it. I have seen it take hold of people and result in destructive behavior, either external or internal. 

I have seen it at international competitions, like the Olympics, where rooting for our own national teams takes priority and overshadows the appreciation for the skill and sportsmanship of others with whom we share this planet. We deprive ourselves and others in that way and do the sport a diservice.

But it is not just involved with sports.. I'd like to have you briefly consider two other arenas where competition can be destructive.  I  up grew up in a supportive family with supportive parents and siblings. I was the baby of the family, with four older sisters.  I am glad that my parents didn't play favorites, we were all treated with equal value. No one had to compete for our parent's love - it was given freely and without conditions. Our vacations each summer were a bonding experience and have resulted in annual family reunions that continued for 30 years only interrupted by last year's covid outbreak. I have known many people who did not have that and it makes me sad.

And  as a nation we also have another arena where competition has no place. That arena is healthcare. Having been a worker in the system for 30 years I have seen the set up and downfall of it and how it affects people. I work for a company that is dedicated to helping people get access to healthcare. But the overall system is based on competition -companies competing for members and so many rules on what is covered and how much. We are fortunate that the testing and vaccines have been covered at no cost, but it has people wondering why couldn't we have this apply to healthcare in general, so that people would not have to put off needed treatment due to either finances or rules.

We always do better when we cooperate as  people to solve problems. So don't get caught up in competition, winners versus losers. Let's seek to cooperate more, and all be winners.:)

The Power of Silence

People think that good communication is driven by making the right choice of words and the right way to speak them. They fail to realize that just as important is when not to speak. Silence is powerful. One of the ways we know that is through the elimination of filler words. Often speeches and ordinary daily communication is cluttered by filler words - like um, uh, so, and , you know, etc. We have a bad habit of inserting these in our sentences, often just to keep the train of conversation going. We may be afraid if we let up someone will take over the conversation. Or we think that if we pause we will risk looking lost or confused, unsure what to say. Actually when we take a pause our conversations and presentations become stronger because the words we say stand out and get delivered more forcefully.

Another way that silence is powerful is one that introverts know very well. Extroverts draw their energy from crowds and constant conversation and activity. Introverts, on the other hand, draw their energy from silence and solitude. We can engage in social activity just fine, but at some point we need to recharge and for that we need calm and silence, if for no other reason than to hear ourselves think.

Listening to yourself is a great practice - both body and mind. I find that my greatest time of re-energizing is taking a walk, preferably in nature. Many mornings I start out to a chorus of frogs, or hearing all the neighborhood birds greeting the dawn. I can observe so many things when I am quietly walking and my eyes and ears and mind are clear of distractions. 

Listening is another form of silence. To spend time with a loved one or friend and just listen to what they are saying. Sometimes we talk over each other, eager to share our experiences and thoughts and get so focused on ourselves that we forget to listen to each other. That takes some silence on our part. This is extremely important in dealing with helping someone going through grief, but it is also important in other situations. Remember that one way of showing interest and empathy is good eye contact, open ears, and closed lips. 

Someone once said that silence is golden. So true. So take time in the midst of conversation to breath and let the other person talk. It is said that God gave us two ears and one mouth and perhaps that means that we should listen twice as much as we talk. Just a thought

Less is More

 Less is more. We know the saying. Sometimes we think about diet - less calories gives more satisfaction and better health. But there is more than one way to think about that. I'd like us to consider 3 ways.

Less is more when we are deciding. Sometimes we tend to overthink situations and spend too much time and effort trying to fix or understand things, You may have heard about Occams\'s Razor - the idea that often the simplest and least complicated answer is correct. That is why I usually avoid and discount conspiracies - they are too complicated and subject to failing. I catch myself over analyzing and try to go with the simple answer. Less is more.

As many of us have noticed during our covid home bound times that we have a lot of clutter. To downsize we need to remember that less is more. We often keep too much stuff, or more than we need of any one thing, yet have trouble getting rid of extra, keeping only that which, as an expert states - gives us joy. Less is more

And thirdly, we often have a habit of trying too hard to help in time of need for those going through grief, either lose of loved one or other grief bringing experiences. We try to use our words to "help" when what they really need is our presence and acceptance that they are grieving. Sharing similar experiences, saying things will get better, or highlighting the good things going on  don't help. Let your words be few, let them be the type of "I'm sorry for your loss", "I care", or simply "I'm here", and then be there.

remember - Less is More

A Home for Storytellers

 

Do you have a story that you are eager to share? A story that you are bursting at the seams to tell? Or a story you just don’t know how to tell or who to tell it to?

We all have stories to tell — not just one, but many. Personal stories about who we are, what we want to achieve, where we’ve been, and where we are going. Stories that not only inspire us, but also inspire and enrich the lives of others.

We once gathered around the fire to tell such stories. But where do we go now? Where is the modern-day fireside?

For nearly a century, Toastmasters has provided a safe and encouraging environment to sharpen our presentation skills for greater clarity and impact. A place to hone the art of storytelling, to pass those stories along and widen our reach.

Pacific Storytellers is a new Toastmasters club that is a home for the storytellers of the world to gather and offer stories of healing, stories of encouragement, stories full of passion — and, of course, stories for entertainment. Come one, come all!

Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek used to say, “Please phrase your answer in the form of a question.” But we at Pacific Storytellers say, “Please express your message in the form of a story.” We are all waiting to hear your story.

Come make your home at Pacific Storytellers. We meet on first and third Wednesdays of each month at 7:00 p.m. PST, on Zoom.

Contact me, Bob King, at bobkingtoastmaster2013@gmail.com for the Zoom link.

Age is a state of mind

I believe age is just a state of mind. Turning a certain age does not define your physical, mental, or emotional state. It does not lock you into or out of certain characteristics. I never accepted the notion of middle age, reject senior status, and choose to see myself as I am, not being defined by societal accepted norms. I choose to remain young at heart and in mind, no matter how many years I may have accumulated.

I turned 65 today, but I don't feel it. I don't even know what 65 should feel like. My mom never made it to 65  - she died at 62, and though my dad lasted till 69, by that time he had survived several strokes and his health was much diminished so I cannot use him as a standard of expectations. I have worked hard to avoid the mistakes he made, chiefly paying attention to high blood pressure, and have remained very active so I am in very much better shape than he was in his 60's. I have also been exposed to many older folks who have endeavored to think and act young. It has encouraged me to stay positive and engaged with life.

I am not naive. I know that I am not 30 any more. If I forget my body will remind me. When I was 30 I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up in one day. That memory amazes me - no way would I even think of attempting that. And sitting cross-legged on the floor for any length of time will have my back in pain for hours. But I also walk a mile or two every day to keep active and remain an avid learner, to keep both my body and mind in good condition.

When I was in my late 30s I had a coworker who at 23 was bemoaning being "past his prime".  Part of the problem was that he was a chain smoker - every 30 minutes he would disappear and come back with smoke wafting out of his pores. And he also had a negative attitude that did not help.  On the other hand during a nursing home ministry I met a 103 year old lady named Ellen, who when asked how she was doing, would state from her wheelchair, "well I don't get around as well as I used to, but otherwise I'm doing just fine". 

You see, it can come down to attitude. I tell my wife, there are young and there are younger. I (we) are young, but there are many younger. The times I most realize that I am older is when I consider my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and some great-great nieces and nephews. My youngest nephew just turned 39, and a month ago my oldest nephew turned 52. I remember clearly when they wer just little kids. It's like when I turned 50, my four sisters, all older, exclaimed "little brother is 50, how did that happen?". They said much the same thing when I turned 65. 

Age happens, no matter what you do, and it is not always pleasant. But I have found that when I think young and don't let mere age limit me, it goes much better.  Think young!:)