Just Breathe

 "Breathe, just breathe". Life can be frustrating, confusing, disheartening at times. We spend our days trying to do the best, be the best, understand it all. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and we feel like quitting. We feel like we can't measure up, or that what we do doesn't matter anyway. It feels like a mountain too high to climb. And we forget to breathe. 

Not the physical act of breathing. Fortunately our body inhaling and exhaling, taking in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide is an internally regulated process. Our body is wired with sensors that trigger the breathing when it senses too little oxygen or too much carbon dioxide (CO2). But there is a part of breathing that is part of conscious thought. 

One example is singing. In order to properly use your full voice when singing you need to consciously inhale and exhale with your diaphragm. That gives you a full voice, whereas if you only exhale and inhale with your mouth and nose- singing with your head -you will struggle with your sound and volume. 

Sometimes we live like that - operating on fumes of air. We wonder why we get tired often and don't have the stamina or clear thinking to handle life's demands. We need to allow ourselves time to slow down, pause the treadmill of life, and breath.

A colleague once taught us a breathing exercise. She said count 1,2,3,4 inhale, hold for 5.6., and breathe out 7,8.  She advised doing that a few times in a row at crucial moments of the day - especially before doing something or meeting someone important - or what/who we think are important. It is a way to pause and come back to the very basis of life, shutting everything else out and focusing on slowing down our heartrate and consequently our racing mind. 

Have you ever been driving somewhere, got lost, and kept driving down the road trying to figure out which way to go? How long do you continue before you pull off the side of the road and check a map, google the address, or check some other authoritative source to help get you to your destination. If you are a guy like me asking directions is not our strong suit, so it may be longer. But it will eventually come.

That is how it is with conscious deep breathing. It is a very simple thing but we neglect to do it. It takes remaining still and we are constantly in motion. But if you do it you may find that your way forward is clearer and calmer. So again I would say "breathe, just breathe".

A work in progress

 Have you ever had someone look at a project you were working on and remark negatively. Aside from not enjoying negative feedback you probably said "it's a work in progress" - in other words you weren't finished with it yet. I know there are times when I have been reticent to let anyone look at something I am working on for the same reason. Often when working on a speech I am revising right up to the minute  I present the speech, and sometimes even while I am giving it. It helps that I build my speeches around a framework of points and don't memorize. That way if I want to make a change mid speech I can, and no one will be the wiser. It's a work in progress.

But we often miss that with ourselves. We think we have to be perfect, have all our ducks in a row, and be all polished and refined. And we are our worst critics - for our 'smudges', mispoken words, missed opportunities. Of course we need to take ourselves to task and not just sail along with whatever. But we also need to silence that inner critic sometimes and give ourselves a break. We are not, nor will we ever be perfect.. We are human and as the saying goes "to err is human". The other part of that saying is "to forgive is divine" and we really need to experience the divine and forgive ourselves.

Every day is another opportunity for growth, success, and when we fail, to forgive. Remind yourself, and others around you, 'you are a work in progress".

next time

 would'a, ,should'a, could'a, and if only. Sad words for regret. You know you've said them. Scent of guilt mixed in with those. I wish I had but I can't fix. Those words will dog us unless we develop a forward looking alternative. And that is 'next time". Next time I will do better, next time I will remember. Next time I will think ahead, plan ahead, do the right thing. 

In toastmasters we have speeches and then we have evaluations. Not critiques. Critiques are saying what was wrong. What was missing. It is looking backwards. And it is easy. I did book reports when I was a kid and the easiest to do was when I really didn't like a book. It was when I liked a book the book report was hard to do. So is a speech critque. But a speech evaluation is harder. 

A good evaluation tells what you liked about the speech and the delivery with what you specifically appreciated - kudos to the speaker. But in between is the improvement you would like to see. We use it as a 'next time" we'd like to see you do 'blank'. Next time, use some more humor, next time use more gestures, next time more pauses. It is given not to tell you what you missed, but how you can make your speech better next time. 

Apply that to your life. Instead of giving yourself a hard time and 'should'ing' on yourself, say 'next time" I will 'blank". Next timeI will do better, think more, plan better. Don't focus on the past, look to the future - to the 'next time'.

Challenges

 Have you ever challenged yourself, or had someone else issue you a challenge? A challenge to stretch or step out of your comfort zone. How did you feel, did you succeed, and what did you learn from the challenge? I have a friend who is doing a 77-day challenge involving posting videos, usually between 1-4 minutes, each day. It was devised by a past World Champion of Public Speaking Darren LaCroix, as a challenge to be articulate, get over fear of speaking on camera, to improve speaking ability, and to commit to a goal. My friend is almost there and it will be interesting to hear his thoughts on it. I'm not sure if I will try, but I have done other things that fit into a challenge mode.

I was challenged at the start of my Toastmaster journey to be regular in giving speeches. Practicing a skill - practicing well - helps to build it. I had a mentor who said 'if you want to complete your Confident Communicator (first 10 speeches) this year, just schedule your self to speak every 4-5 weeks". I did and I completed that manual the first year. I continued the same process with the next manual, and then the next, and before you know it I had achieved my Distinguished Toastmaster award - the highest award in Toastmasters. It had become a regular habit, one that I continue to this day.

For me it is more than just stage time, having a regular presence up front. It is driven by my desire to make a difference in others lives. To resonate the messages that I feel are important out to people with listening ears. To educate, to encourage, to challenge, and to inspire. There are so many negative messages out there and they need to be counterbalanced with supportive and encouraging messages.

That is why for the past month I have been blogging, sharing thoughts. I didn't start on a special day, like New Year's, and I don't have a specific length to this challenge. I just started one day and decided that the best way to establish a habit was just to begin and do it every day. Somedays I share the link on twitter, others I share on Facebook. Over time they may appear on other forums. I would like to get comments and feedback. Eventually I am sure that will come. But in the meantime I know that this is helping me -especially in coming up with new ideas or angles to talk about. 

I hope my musings help those who read. And if so, please let me know. Thankss:)

Making memories

 Have you ever had a flood of memories from an object? Not viewing a photo of a time past, but seeing an object, smelling a fragrance, or tasting a food? Maybe hearing a song will bring back memories. I came across a trail and bridge in the forest last weekend and there were horsetails growing in the mud. It brought back memories of my grandparents house on the Oregon coast. They had a little stream that went between the parking area and the house. There was a bridge over the stream and there were loads of horsetails growing there. Seeing these recently brought back memories of me as a curious kid breaking them apart because I was fascinated by the segmentation.

At my father-in-laws memorial luncheon there was a food table laden with food including a dish of Concord grapes. You don't usually see those very often, especially not in stores, since they are very perishable. I have only seen them in a local fruit market - the same place you see local strawberries that also don't travel well. Growing up in the west hills of Portland we had a grape arbor and part of it was occupied by Concord grape vines. I used to pick and eat them right off the vine. Sampling the same grapes at the memorial instantly took me back to childhood.:)  

Hearing music has always brought back memories, mostly happy but then some sad. I will never hear the raggae style version of Over the Rainbow again without thinking of my late sister Betty. We used the music as background for a slide show at her memorial 11 years ago. I love the music but it always makes me cry. I hear her voice everywhere, think I see her face in the crowds. And I have a great campout picture of her and me right in front of my desk.

Savor life, savor the sights, sounds, taste, smells and touch of life all around you. Make memories today.

Energizing To Do's

 Do you write to do lists and still get little done? Do you write things down that you know you need to do and yet get to the end of the day with little checked off? What is the problem and how do you turn it around and have productive lists? I think the problem is that these lists are unfocused, vague and unactionable. There are 3 things that you need to do to fix the problem.

First you need to give each item a "why?" Why do you want or need to do this? Is it personal and important to you? We do many things in life without knowing why. And having a why gives us better reason and energy to complete the task. It might be that you are in charge of a project, or have financial or medical reasons driving it. Or you may have promised someone (family or otherwise) to complete the task. Every item on your list needs to have a '"why?" stated - even if it seems really obvious.

Second you need to set a priority to the task. Is it the most important task for the day, the week, the month? Is it  short term immediate task, or is it more future priority - first task on a project? This will help you to know where on the list it should go and whether you need to jump on it first, or if it can wait until you finish other tasks. Size of task is also important - sending off most emails is quick, while outlining a speech can take a bit longer.

And thirdly, you must list a first step. So many to do list items are vague. 'Working on project X" is not specific, "try to compose Y" gives no specifics. Every project is either a specific task (email/call/write so and so) or has specific tasks to complete - "create outline", "register for conference", etc. If there is no specific task to start with the item can expand to fill much more time than necessary - involving just "thinking" about it instead of doing something productive. Or it can discouraging any effort on the task because it seems overwhelming and hard to grasp.

An example for me recently was a speech that I had planned. I had collected and arranged recent pictures and weaved a story through them. I was not totally happy with the result. I felt the end was too abrupt and unsatisfying. I know I needed to fix it but was stymied. I knew that my presentation was 2 weeks away, so I needed to fix it before then. But where to start? I took some time to think about it, musing whether I needed to add/delete text, or maybe add a few pictures to flesh it out. Then as I reviewed the pictures in my mind I realized I did not need to add any pictures. With the switch of a couple existing pictures, and a couple extra lines of text, I could create a satisfying end for the story - satisfying for both me and my audience. I had my why and priority, I just had to add the first step.

As the Chinese proverb goes "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step". Answer the "why?", establish the priority, and lay out the first step and see if your to do's start getting done.

Persistance

"never the less she persisted'. This is a phrase that characterized our recent history. Women have historically gotten the short end of the stick as far as opportunity in our country and around the world. As the youngest child in a family with four older sisters I was raised to appreciate women and value them as equals - and my father did not treat them any different, insisting that we all go to college. But not all families were as equality minded as mine. Many were down right hostile and we have struggled as a society to accept, let alone promote the advancement of women.

That is why it was especially heartening to see the scene at the recent Presidential joint address to Congress where for the first time in history two women were seated behind the president  - Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and Kamala Harris, Vice President. There are many more women elected to Congress as well as Governors and Cabinet Secretaries. Still there is room for more and the wage gap is still there.  

Women have led the way in recent protest against inequality - starting with the Women's March of January 2017. They have led in the Black Lives Matter movement, just as they were very active in the civil rights movement and anti-war marches of the 1960's. The originator of the "persisted" quote meant it as a complaint, but it is an example to follow. When opposition is strong, persistence and resistance is needed even more and if anything good came out of the last 4 years it was the persistent resistance to inequality.

My advice to my latest nieces to graduate high school was "never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, just because you are a women". It is my advice to all women out there. Learn the stories and follow the lead of historical women out there  - from Sojourney Truth and Harriet Tubman of the 1800's to Susan B Anthony and Alice Paul of the 1900's, to the Elena Kagan, Sonya Sotomayor, and Stacey Abrams of this century. Study their lives, say their names, aspire to persist as they did.

Resistance is not futile.