Hope and Caution in a world of fear

Hope and caution

Do you remember “duck and cover” drills? As a child of the Cold War I remember them in elementary school. We were afraid that anytime the bombs would fall and “nuclear winter” would commence. We thrilled at the “space race” as we countered the Sputnik moment with Friendship, Gemini, and Apollo, till the Eagle landed on July 20th 1969. We thought the “Evil Empire” would always be around , till that fateful day in 1989 when the Wall came down, and then in 1991 saw the breakup of the Soviet Union.

The world is still a dangerous place, but I believe we need to remember two things in times of danger. One, beware of overestimating our enemies, and two, don’t contribute to undue fear.

We found out that reports of Soviet power were vastly overrated. Their economy was sapped by emphasis on military power - a lesson that we need to learn. And their military power, though substantial, was never the overwhelming force that we had feared. Our advantage in nuclear power was overwhelming just by itself. We had believed their bravado too much.

And at the same time many individuals were harmed, had lives ruined or lost, by those who were so fierce in their opposition to communism, that they saw enemies everywhere. From the House Un-American Activities Committee, who alone ruined the livelihoods of over 300 actors, directors and screenwriters with accusations. To Senator Joseph McCarthy who managed to smear hundreds of people, not just in Hollywood, but also in the State Department and the Army. To the various proponents of the “containment doctrine” which lead to over 50,000 lost American lives alone in our disastrous war in Vietnam.

And overseas we supported loads of anti-communist bullies , chiefly in Latin America, and ignored serious legitimate people issues. All in the name of “winning the war on communism”

Unfortunately I fear we are repeating the mistakes of the past, in our “war on terror”.

There are two things we need to remember in all this. Hope and caution. We need to remember that despite what we think all those we fear have a end point. Stalin died , likely murdered, the Wall came down, the USSR broke apart. Joseph McCarthy died an alcoholic after a decade of trouble making in the Senate. NIxon was forced out of office,

No matter how bad things get ,there is always hope. Our country is strong, our systems work.- but that is another post,

But we must always be cautious. Don’t give in to someone who promises they know all and have all the answers. Be wary of someone who demands loyalty to a cause without question.

Engage in curiosity  , question everything and everyone. Focus on meeting people’s needs around you. Never elevate programs or policy over people. Hurt comes from that, not hope.

Remember - HOPE and CAUTION

More to come.

Thanks for reading - comments are very welcome

What were we thinking?

Have you ever had a time when you looked back on something you did and wondered "what was I thinking? why did I do that?  Of course, we all have. And we have as a people looked back at things our country has done and asked "why did we do that? why did we allow that?" Why did we treat people as second class citizens on the basis of race, color, creed, gender, or national origins?

And in most instances we changed how we act now and made amends for the past. We paid reparations to the families of Japanese Americans who were interned during WWII, we instituted affirmative action programs to try and make up for the lingering disparity of education opportunity created by racial discrimination.

We all recognize and seek to make corrections for the past because we clearly see our nation's errors. but I believe we need to go a step further. We need to recognize that each generation makes their own errors and it isn't always apparent until the next generation calls them out on it. We need to ask ourselves "what are we doing now that future generations will look back  on and ask "why?"

For you see we are often blind to our own biases, our own prejudices, our own privilege.Acknowledging our own privilege is not a matter of guilt, but rather of awareness. As a WASP(white , anglo-taxon, protestant) I will never be profiled, never have to face the prejudice of appearance or association. As a straight guy I will never had to deal with the discrimination and barriers to fair treatment and equal opportunity suffered by women and the LGBTQ community.

And there are three things I must do based on that. One I need to acknowledge the opportunity that I do have and be grateful for it. Two, recognize that there are many, many who do not have that opportunity but rather face barriers because of differences. And third, I need to reach out to help those who are disadvantaged and seek to help, not out of guilt, but simply because I have the resources to help and out of human decency.

We need to be forward looking and work to not make the mistakes of the past. And be self-aware of our assumptions, our own biases, and the fact that not everyone is like us.An example for me is: I am an early bird. I am writing this at 6:30 in the morning after taking a walk at 5am on Saturday. Many people I know are still asleep. They are not wired like me. And that is okay. But my wife, who is a night owl (and consequently asleep) once worked for a company where the management was all early birds and not only expected everyone else to be one too, but looked askance at anyone who wasn't , and it affected performance reviews. She did not last there long.

Realizing that not everyone is like you, doesn't have the same reactions as you, and that that is okay, is maturity. It can help us avoid errors and support the common good. If we step into other people's shoes, even for just a moment, we can act in a way that will help all people, not just those who look, sound, behave , or believe like us.

In the next several weeks I would like to examine the past and help us recognize trends that will help us avoid assumption errors in the present , to make for a better future. I would be happy if you could join me in the journey.   ------next up "Uncle Joe".

Fillers

Fillers are found in many places. They are not essential ingredients yet either are placed or found everywhere. In food they are used to bulk up a product to make it look larger or feel heavier than actual to help sell the product. In school papers they are meant to fool the teacher into thinking the student knows more than they do. In businesses or homes they are meant to add bulk to a room and impress with size.

Toastmasters know these well and try to avoid them. There is a specific meeting role - Ah Counter - that is tasked with calling them out to help speakers avoid them in the future. Many of them are words that have a proper place in our vocabulary , but not to be used as a substitute for a purposeful pause between thoughts. One of my "favorites" is "so". It is a perfectly good work, but you should not use it to start a sentence. Other usual ones are ah, um, like, and you know. Other faulted verbals are overuse of "and" to connect thoughts and double words - repeating the same word twice in a row. These are indications of lack of focus or losing a train of thought. The best way to avoid these is to simply pause, but many people are uncomfortable with silence, however brief.

I have recently realized that there is another type of filler that isn't easily detectable. It is wordiness , using several words when a single word or two will suffice. Sometimes it is from lack of confidence - we almost beg for someone to help or give permission. Sometimes we feel we need to make our case before asking. Sometimes we just like to talk and can't get to the point fast.

I have three ways to combat this One is called BLUF  bottom line up front. I learned this from a prior work manager. He introduced this term to help us with our email communication. He said state what you really want first, then explain why. I started practicing that and it has really improved both my communication and my confidence. I have had a struggle with feeling I had to explain the situation first and then ask for help, often timidly.

Simply be direct in your communication. Less is more and straight forward beats hemming and hawing. No one is persuaded by long lists and detailed descriptions of problems, Once you get someone on board to help you can flesh out with details - often in response to their followup questions.

And , thirdly, don't give people an easy way to say 'no'. Don't be presumptuous and act like they have already said yes, but don't automatically assume they will say 'no' either. Ask in such a way that leads them to say yes. Instead of saying "can you do this? or "may I do this?" , say 'please help me with this". They may still say "no" or "i can't" , but at least they have to work at it. If you say "can I have next Tuesday off?" they have an easy 'yes or no' response opportunity. If you say "I need to take next Tuesday off", they have to think about it , and the possibility of  approval goes up.

Fight fillers and fluff - needless words that just take up space and don't add to your message. It will strengthen both your everyday communication and your speeches to enrich the world.

Hesitation or the Road Not Taken

I am an introvert. That doesn't mean that I don't talk or talk in front of people. In fact, I love it.
But it does mean for one thing that I don't rush into things. I tend to analyze, prepare more, and ponder things before I say yes or no. I want to give a careful response- to look before I leap.

It doesn't mean that leaping in impulsively is bad, or that others don't plan. It just means that I am wired to take time before responding and some may get frustrated - but I am okay with that and I thus feel more comfortable with my choices. I see that as a strength.

But it can be stretched too far and like other strengths stretched too far become a weakness.
It ceases to be contemplation and becomes hesitation and even indecisiveness and ultimately
a lost opportunity.

One example I call '" the road not taken" (with thoughts of Robert Frost). Some of you may
have heard my speech "The Road Goes Ever on and on" about my Grand Canyon hike down
the Bright Angel trail from Rim to River and back up to the Rim in one day -in July years ago.
It was an arduous journey - about 18 miles, 4500 feet of elevation difference each way and donesolo. It is not recommended to do it in a day, but I have reasons I needed to do it that way
and I was in great shape and well prepared. I had done many shorter hikes in the years before.
It was the most exhausted and yet the most exhilarated adventure I have ever done. I have neverregretted it.

What you don't know about is the hike I didn't take in the Grand Canyon. I was looking
down from the rim at another trail - the Tonto trail, which stretches across the Tonto Plateau,
connecting the Bright Angel and the Kaibab trails. It was a way to experience a steep downhill
section of the hot, dry, shadeless Kaibab, traverse the flat Tonto Plateau, and come back up the
gentler, watered, sometimes shady Bright Angel to the Rim. And it offered a refreshing visit at the oasis of Indian Gardens, with a potential trip out to Panorama Point with its view ofColorado far below. It only involved half of the rim to river elevation gain going back up.

It should have been fine and a no-brainer hike decision. But two things gave me pause.
One , there was the matter of having 2 trailheads to manage transport to and from, with a
a fair distance between, instead of going down and coming back up to the same spot.
And then as I gazed down on the very visible Tonto trail I began to worry "there aren't many
people crossing it" as opposed to the Bright Angel and Kaibab. I worried about getting
lost (long before cell phones) and I hesitated and ultimately did not make that hike. And I
regretted it ever since.  A little thing like not having the same trailhead and too much thought
sabotaged my plans.

It's not to say that preparation is not important, nor is weighing the risks and benefits of actions
not valid - because many people have suffered and died from hasty unprepared hikes - nature
can be very unforgiving. But if over-analysis can become paralysis and you can miss the
adventure of a lifetime.

And did I mention that the "road not taken" hike came after my Rim-river-Rim one day hike?
I had already had success, but hesitation can strike at any time. Please don't let it stop you from
success.

Visualizing a speech

In my years of being a Toastmaster, I have never once used notes in giving speeches.

I have written out speeches ahead of time to practice, but when I get up to speak
I leave notes behind. It does help that I have a good memory and have done plenty
of memorized presentations in the past - Shakespeare in high school and college
memorized passages in church as a child, etc - but also how I build my speeches.
And how I visualize them.

For me, a speech is like a room. It has a floor, a ceiling, and walls.

The flooring is the introduction of your speech, both the Toastmaster-read introduction
and the first spoken paragraph of your speech.
They set the stage for what is to come. They tell the audience where you are coming from
and hint at where you are going - the ceiling.

The ceiling is your goal - the point or points you want to make by giving the speech.
You need to have that firmly in mind. If you don’t you will get off track
and your audience will get confused. And instead of a nice neat room,
you will have just a mass of lumber.

The structure of the speech is composed of the walls, 3 or 4 main points
that support the ceiling and are grounded on the floor. Having just 3 or 4 main points
helps you focus on the message you want to communicate and helps the audience
follow as you lead them to your conclusion. You can subdivide each point,
but keep your focus so that the ceiling will remain strong.

Once you have created that basic structure you can go about decorating,
adding illustrative details. Explore the “room” and see what it can contain.
As you write, rewrite, and rehearse the speech make sure that all you “see”
in the room fits and is the best use of the space.

Make sure you time the speech so that you will know the ‘dimensions’ of the room
because you will need to trim and sometimes it can be hard to cut out words
to make the time fit.

We all can fall in love with our words and phrases, and it is easy to exceed
the time limits that speeches entail. Filler words, “helping”phrases,
and just plain wordiness - using many words when one or two will do -
are easy to spot and remove.

Off topic sentences are harder. And some of the hardest are very creative
bits of writing/speaking that we are proud of, but which don’t fit into this
particular speech. They can be fragments that would be very supportive of
another point, but don’t fit here.

The words of a speech that illustrate a point are like the furniture in the room.
In any room, you have certain furniture that would be suitable but not others. It doesn’t matter how well made it is you only have items in the room that fit i
ts purpose.
The same thing applies to a speech. You may have been very creative
and it sounds great,but if it does not fit the room you must remove it.
You may have created a very beautiful, solid and functional pool table,
but if you are creating a restaurant dining room - it does not fit.
Save it for your next speech - the pool hall. Likewise, a “bed” would not fit either.
Don’t fall in love with your words.

And don’t forget that any good room needs doors or windows.
There needs to be an opportunity for people to leave and take the message
with them. Your speech should call for action and provide guidance for listeners
to respond. Otherwise, all you have is an echo chamber,

This helps me go without notes and still stay focused so that the audience
understands and benefits. I hope this will help you as you tell your own stories.
I delivered a speech on this a while back and will share others as we continue
this journey together.

Cheers

Tell your stories

Today marks a new beginning of sorts, a relaunch of this blog with a new purpose. I started it originally to deliver political commentary and critique in an attempt to prod people to action on important issues of the day. I believed that people - especially people of faith - had forgotten what they really believed and or had a disconnect between what they said they believed and what their actions demonstrated what they believed. I still do,  and I believe that needs to be communicated widely. But rather than presenting others with facts and figures and arguments,  we can be more effective sharing our stories to make our points and lead,  rather than drive, people to consider changes.

I have been a member of Toastmasters for the past 5 years,  both speaking and leading in various roles. I have delivered more than 50 speeches and many of those have been stories with a point. I find that being subtle rather than "in your face" works well to communicate my point across in a way that gets past the usual defenses and makes people examine themselves. For instance, I delivered a speech that talked about prejudice but did not use any of the usual "trigger" words. Rather it examined the whole meaning of prejudice (pre-judging),  the basic human self-defensiveness that drives it, and how to overcome it. I used three far back prejudice examples - redheads, left-handedness, and women teachers getting fired upon marrying - to address the issue and asked people to consider what illogical things we are doing today that we need to stop.

In our Toastmaster meetings after a speaker finishes, we give a minute or so for the attendees to write a note of evaluation or commentary for the speaker,  as well as a formal verbal evaluation from one designated member. I keep all those notes because I am interested if I made an impact on my speech. From that prejudice speech, I got many notes, included one that said: "I was convicted, I will have to go home and examine my own prejudices".

And my mantra throughout my Toastmaster time has been "everybody has stories to tell". I encourage everyone to speak up and tell their stories. All those stories need to be told, and we need to hear them.
This is true in Toastmasters and beyond, so I am expanding my storytelling through this blog. I encourage you to tell your stories and encourage you to check out a local Toastmasters club. I am providing a link to the Toastmasters International site, which has a club finder function.
I have found it to be a great help in improving how I deliver my stories, as well as a good platform to share them.

https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club


I welcome your feedback and look forward to sharing my stories with you.
Cheers
Bob

Today is the anniversary of the birth of Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. It is a day of reflection and resolve to do all we can to make this a better world, to stand up for the marginalized, and to influence change for the better through non-violent means. Each and every person can make a difference by the seemingly little things they do. Great change is made up of a lot of those 'little' things. You make a difference by every positive thing you do, every smile you give to others, every time you stand up for a friend or stranger. Every time one of us who are privileged (and most of us are in one way or another) reaches out to give hope and help to one who is marginalized , we make this world a better place.

11 years after Dr King was shot down my mother passed away. Her passing was much less sudden and peaceful, but still it was way too soon. Today I remember that passing , 39 years ago on this date. And I pause to remember and reflect on the legacy she left - a legacy of inclusion,  compassion for all , and a quiet stand against bigotry, hate, and prejudice.

Two instances I remember. One was from the church we attended when I was young. The church had sent missionaries to Africa, specifically Cameroon, and had shared the gospel and built churches and helped the people improve their lives over many years. One day one of the native pastors came to visit our church and was sitting in the pews. My mom overheard a few ladies comment that 'why is he here?" dismissively. She thought to herself how can they be so prejudiced . We send missionaries over there , but heaven forbid they come over here to our church. The church was very white. it was a good church overall, but there were still people who hadn't quite got the message that God loved the world not just their little corner of it. They only saw God for the folks that were like them. My mom was conservative but she lived the love of God and knew it was for everyone.

A second example was when I was in college in Arizona. We had neighbors who were very poor - and had not had the advantage of education, yet she showed love to them just like any other. Our school district was always having problems with getting school levies passed to fund improvements. Part of the reason was that included in the school district area was a retirement community (50+) where many had the idea that that since they had raised their kids they shouldn't have to fund anybody else's kids. They didn 't want 'their" taxes raised when it wasn't benefitting them,

My mom was appalled at the selfishness of those folks. She was in her 50s at the time and all 5 of her kids were grown, so she did not have any stake in public education herself. And she could qualify for living in that retirement community. But all her life she had been involved with teaching kids (hers and others) , didn't want to wall herself away from kids, and felt a responsibility to providing help to others. She felt that the community had an obligation to provide a good education for all. And she was so happy when the retirement community (Sun City) was separated from our school district and we could finally get school levies passed to provide for the improvements they despirately needed

Like Dr King her legacy lives on in the hearts and minds and lives of those who knew and loved her. And in even in the lives of those who never knew her, but have been touched by those who did and who were changed by it.
Thanks Mom