comfort zones

What is your comfort zone, and have you stepped out of it lately? We all have spaces, not just physical places but mental ,social,emotional,spiritual, etc, that we feel comfortable with. We grow up in families and communities with certain characteristics - be it beliefs, manners, expectations, likes and dislikes. We develop a sense of home, a place to feel safe. We all need that. But then we go to school and we learn often that not everyone is like us. Not everyone shares the same likes and dislikes. Not everyone has the same personality and not everyone has the same beliefs. And you have to adapt, accept those differences, while retaining a strong sense of who you are. You don't have to become someone else because of it, but it will change you, perhaps modify who you are.

For example, my parents were married till the day my mom died-30 plus years. I thought that was the norm. Then I came to know many people whose parents did not stay married, for one reason or another, and many who for one reason or another did not themselves stay married. I came to appreciate more the advantages I had had growing up with two parents always there, always in love , always showing love to me and my sisters. I became more understanding and compassionate towards those who hadn't had that and to those who had tried and failed to keep a marriage together. (it takes two, you know). I am happily married and plan to stay that way, but I do not judge those who have not.

I have known people who are stuck in one place in their lives. They are committed to not changing so much that they live in fear of it. That is part of the reason for the anger being seen today in the healthcare debate. There are legitimate concerns, and then there is fear from things unfounded. There are those who use people's fears to sway them to a particular viewpoint. They lie and deceive. It is important to check your sources, think clearly, ask questions. But it is important to be open to change. Life is change. It doesn't mean you have abandoned anything, least of all what you believe. It means you are growing.

I am a gardener and I love to see what comes up in each season. There are things I have deliberately planted and then things that just pop up out of nowhere. Some things grow very well and others don't. Some things grow well for a while and then fade away. I had a couple rosemary bushes that grew like gangbusters, to about 3-4 ft high and wide. I have a picture of them in their prime, and remember the tiny blue flowers and the luscious aroma released by running my hands along the branches. Unfortunately they were decimated by a couple winters of hard frost, so they are no more. Life and the garden goes on. Perhaps I will get another, perhaps not. But I also have hollyhocks that are now advancing into the lawn. I accept the change and revel in the surprises I see every season.

Some want their lives to be neat and tidy, not a leaf out of place, no surprises (they fear surprises because they think only bad comes that way). Some people believe that they must live by strict do's and don't's, otherwise God will be displeased with them.I believe that God wants us to enjoy life, not just manage it. Jesus said He had come to give us abundant life. But you have to come out of your comfort zone to do that. I did that recently by going to a townhall meeting on healthcare. Half of the people I encountered were friendly to my points of view. The other half were either in disagreement or were hostile to those views . It was not always comfortable, sometimes tense, but a learning experience. You should try it.

Life is a garden, enjoy it ,accept it, keep growing.

lessons from gardening

I believe you can learn lessons from nature,and you can apply those to everyday life. Here are four that I thought of recently, while tooling around in my garden spaces.

1. Every plant is unique and has differing needs and characteristics. If you treat them all the same you will quickly find this out. If you trim your hydrangea like you do your peonies you will suffer the loss of blooms. Peonies can be cut down to the ground each year and they grow back strongly the next. If you do that to a hydrangea you wo't get any blooms the next year - and perhaps longer. The reason is that hydrangeas bloom on the previous years growth and if you cut off what has grown one year there is nothing for it to bloom on. Peonies, on the other hand, bloom on the current year's growth. You can make the same types of observations about herbs versus most flowers (water issues). As with plants so with people,we all have our differences and we should respect that , just like God does. Even if you are a confirmed early bird (like me) don't expect everybody esle to be one. Treat others as individuals - get to know them first before you try to help them. There is no "one size fits all".

2. Don't sweat the small things. I have learned to make peace with things that keep coming back again and again. I have a wide swath of Lamium (also known as yellow archangel). I didn't plant it in the yard, it was just here when we moved in. I tried for a while to eradicate it (natural means) but it was persistent. I finally gave up and now simple try to contain it to a certain region of the yard. It was not worth the effort I was putting out and I gradually came to accept it's presence. On the other hand I pulled out the tansy ragwort that invaded the yard, since that one is dangerous to animals. Major on the majors and minor on the minors, and work on knowing the differences. You don't have to put up a fight about everything and only rarely are things "a matter of life and death",

3.Don't be a perfectionist. One thing that every gardener learns, sooner or later, is that there is no such thing as a perfect garden. A garden is a living,growing collection of plants that rise and fall, spread and fade, season after season, and often get messy. Even things you try to contain often get out of control. If you are a perfectionist try something other than gardening. And so with life , you can't be perfect, ...don't even try. Just be content to do the best you can, and let God take care of the outcome (he's much better than you with that).

4. And finally, don't get overinvested in planning and projects - take time to enjoy your garden. Don't be so task oriented, so focused on the destination, that you miss the journey and the view as time goes by. Life , like a garden, is a journey, a work in progress. It is to be lived, not just "accomplished".

In other words, you really should just "stop and smell the roses along the way":)