Making memories

 Have you ever had a flood of memories from an object? Not viewing a photo of a time past, but seeing an object, smelling a fragrance, or tasting a food? Maybe hearing a song will bring back memories. I came across a trail and bridge in the forest last weekend and there were horsetails growing in the mud. It brought back memories of my grandparents house on the Oregon coast. They had a little stream that went between the parking area and the house. There was a bridge over the stream and there were loads of horsetails growing there. Seeing these recently brought back memories of me as a curious kid breaking them apart because I was fascinated by the segmentation.

At my father-in-laws memorial luncheon there was a food table laden with food including a dish of Concord grapes. You don't usually see those very often, especially not in stores, since they are very perishable. I have only seen them in a local fruit market - the same place you see local strawberries that also don't travel well. Growing up in the west hills of Portland we had a grape arbor and part of it was occupied by Concord grape vines. I used to pick and eat them right off the vine. Sampling the same grapes at the memorial instantly took me back to childhood.:)  

Hearing music has always brought back memories, mostly happy but then some sad. I will never hear the raggae style version of Over the Rainbow again without thinking of my late sister Betty. We used the music as background for a slide show at her memorial 11 years ago. I love the music but it always makes me cry. I hear her voice everywhere, think I see her face in the crowds. And I have a great campout picture of her and me right in front of my desk.

Savor life, savor the sights, sounds, taste, smells and touch of life all around you. Make memories today.

Energizing To Do's

 Do you write to do lists and still get little done? Do you write things down that you know you need to do and yet get to the end of the day with little checked off? What is the problem and how do you turn it around and have productive lists? I think the problem is that these lists are unfocused, vague and unactionable. There are 3 things that you need to do to fix the problem.

First you need to give each item a "why?" Why do you want or need to do this? Is it personal and important to you? We do many things in life without knowing why. And having a why gives us better reason and energy to complete the task. It might be that you are in charge of a project, or have financial or medical reasons driving it. Or you may have promised someone (family or otherwise) to complete the task. Every item on your list needs to have a '"why?" stated - even if it seems really obvious.

Second you need to set a priority to the task. Is it the most important task for the day, the week, the month? Is it  short term immediate task, or is it more future priority - first task on a project? This will help you to know where on the list it should go and whether you need to jump on it first, or if it can wait until you finish other tasks. Size of task is also important - sending off most emails is quick, while outlining a speech can take a bit longer.

And thirdly, you must list a first step. So many to do list items are vague. 'Working on project X" is not specific, "try to compose Y" gives no specifics. Every project is either a specific task (email/call/write so and so) or has specific tasks to complete - "create outline", "register for conference", etc. If there is no specific task to start with the item can expand to fill much more time than necessary - involving just "thinking" about it instead of doing something productive. Or it can discouraging any effort on the task because it seems overwhelming and hard to grasp.

An example for me recently was a speech that I had planned. I had collected and arranged recent pictures and weaved a story through them. I was not totally happy with the result. I felt the end was too abrupt and unsatisfying. I know I needed to fix it but was stymied. I knew that my presentation was 2 weeks away, so I needed to fix it before then. But where to start? I took some time to think about it, musing whether I needed to add/delete text, or maybe add a few pictures to flesh it out. Then as I reviewed the pictures in my mind I realized I did not need to add any pictures. With the switch of a couple existing pictures, and a couple extra lines of text, I could create a satisfying end for the story - satisfying for both me and my audience. I had my why and priority, I just had to add the first step.

As the Chinese proverb goes "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step". Answer the "why?", establish the priority, and lay out the first step and see if your to do's start getting done.

Persistance

"never the less she persisted'. This is a phrase that characterized our recent history. Women have historically gotten the short end of the stick as far as opportunity in our country and around the world. As the youngest child in a family with four older sisters I was raised to appreciate women and value them as equals - and my father did not treat them any different, insisting that we all go to college. But not all families were as equality minded as mine. Many were down right hostile and we have struggled as a society to accept, let alone promote the advancement of women.

That is why it was especially heartening to see the scene at the recent Presidential joint address to Congress where for the first time in history two women were seated behind the president  - Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and Kamala Harris, Vice President. There are many more women elected to Congress as well as Governors and Cabinet Secretaries. Still there is room for more and the wage gap is still there.  

Women have led the way in recent protest against inequality - starting with the Women's March of January 2017. They have led in the Black Lives Matter movement, just as they were very active in the civil rights movement and anti-war marches of the 1960's. The originator of the "persisted" quote meant it as a complaint, but it is an example to follow. When opposition is strong, persistence and resistance is needed even more and if anything good came out of the last 4 years it was the persistent resistance to inequality.

My advice to my latest nieces to graduate high school was "never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, just because you are a women". It is my advice to all women out there. Learn the stories and follow the lead of historical women out there  - from Sojourney Truth and Harriet Tubman of the 1800's to Susan B Anthony and Alice Paul of the 1900's, to the Elena Kagan, Sonya Sotomayor, and Stacey Abrams of this century. Study their lives, say their names, aspire to persist as they did.

Resistance is not futile.

Use your thinking cap

 When you read or listen to news do you have your thinking cap on? Or are you accept unquestioningly whatever comes to you by ear or eye? I fear for most it is the latter. It's not that people are purposefully deceptive or incompetent - though some are. But communication is a two part process. Those who listen or read must carefully evaluate what is being said or written so that true education is taking place.

Let me give you an example. Recently Fox News reported that a poll they had conducted on immigration showed that 46% of respondents believed that border security was worse now under Biden than under Trump. On the surface this is not good news. However there are serious issues with the news, and the source of the poll is not the major problem.

For one thing this is an opinion poll, not a research paper. It is subjective, not objective. Likely most of the respondents do not live in border states, let alone not in border communities. They have at best second or third hand information on border conditions. Any poll is just a snapshot of people's opinion on situations not an ongoing study of conditions. 

Also, the accuracy of polls is dependent on many factors, such as the way questions are asked, how the respondents are reached, what is the sample size, etc. It also is dependent on the purpose of the poll -what is it being used for? Unconscious bias can creep into any poll, even among the best of pollsters. And how specific are the questions - security worse - how so? Does not sound like a question that comes with a grade scale.

If one is really interested in the immigration/border situation it would be more helpful to communicate with those who handle those issues - border patrol, local border community leadership, immigration lawyers and courts, etc. Those who have the facts, not just opinion. To me it is very important for folks to understand not only what is going on, but the framework of the current immigration system. You might be surprised.

And, as always, ask questions to check the validity of information, don't just swallow it whole. As Joe Friday used to say "just the facts, ma'am"

Book love

 Do you remember some of those odd job interview questions? The behavioral questions, non- traditional ones that are aimed at revealing your personality and how you would fit into their team? I have a curious mind and would like to ask you one of those for feedback purposes. I find it fascinating what people read, because I tend to read most anything, and often work my way through multiple books at once, at various rates of speed and duration. I read to discover, to grow, to challenge myself, to relax and entertain.

So, what was the last book you read and what did you learn from it? It can be any type, any genre, fiction or non-fiction, new or older. A brief response, whether it appealed on the gut level or blowing mind level.

I am wondering if people have been reading these and trying unsuccessfully to post comments. I am curious and this is one way to test the notion. If you try to post a reply and are unable to, could you do me a favor and let me know? I would like to see if it is a trend, one that I will endeavor to fix. Please comment on the Facebook post I will link this to.   That way either I will see your post on the blog or on Facebook. 

I would like this to be a conversation.

Thanks:)

Bob

Assumptions and expectations

Expectations and assumptions go together and both can lead to trouble. Part of the problem is that we all come from different experiences and patterns of behavioral upbringing and we often fail to take that into account. We see our experiences as normative and everything else as out of the norm. It can be as simple as reading a set of rules and what do you do with things that are not spelled out. Kind of like the glass half full/glass half empty. Some will say that if the rules don't specifically state that you can do something, you can't. While others , myself included, say that if the rules don't specifically state that you can't do something , means you can.  

We make assumptions based on our own experience - everyone should know what we know, everyone should have the same reactions we do. But everyone comes from their own experiences and may react differently. I have to watch myself on that at times. 

At a recent Toastmaster contest there was new person serving as toastmaster, basically the emcee of the event. Prior to the event there are briefings for all the participants. The judges, ballot counters, and the timers are briefed by the chief judge, and the contestants are briefed by the toastmaster. The reason is the toastmaster is the one who introduces the contestants when they speak and interviews them after they all speak, so it makes sense for the toastmaster to brief them on the rules and procedures of the contest. The problem  in this contest was that our toastmaster was a relative newbie to contests and he made the assumption that I, as chief judge, would be briefing everyone. 

Fortunately we discovered this in the dry run (practice) for the contest and not at the event itself. But often in life we make assumptions or have expectations in situations that end badly. It is wise to be open to others experiences and not prejudge the situation. 

There is one case where I believe we should use assumptions and expectations - in a very positive way. I believe, as my mother taught me, that we should expect the best of everyone. Not demanding the best, but be expecting the best from everyone. Not prejudge someone before they have had a chance to make that first impression. And as I have heard from others - assume positive intent. Assume that someone means well and has no negative intent by their words or their actions. They may not turn out that way but we should go into every interaction with that mindset. 

Drinking horses

 "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". We all know the saying. Despite our best efforts to change something or someone, there are still things out of our control. We can't guarantee success. It can be said with resignation - I did all I could do:(...But sometimes we use it as an excuse for lack of effort. I think we need to rethink common sayings like this and we might just find some insight that will guide us to success.

One thing to ask ourselves "did we lead that horse to water?". Or did we just assume he wouldn't drink so we didn't bother. Visibility and awareness can be assumed, but not realized. It is not only the proximity of the horse to water that is important, but also - is the horse thirsty? If they aren't they won't drink. So maybe we need to make sure when we are leading the horse to that water that they are thirsty. And we can help that along if we put a salt lick by the trough - encourage thirst.

If we think about it we might ask - 'what does the horse want?'. Maybe they are hungry and need grain not water. Maybe they are tired and need a rest Maybe they are bored and feel like running. All of those things might discourage them from drinking the water. It might not be (as we tend to think) that they are stubborn. 

So when you are frustrated because you aren't getting the outcome you want for your efforts, do a deeper dive into the situation, question your assumptions and gain a new perspective on the problem. You might find a way around the blockage.